tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29111673787744088932024-02-21T03:00:32.870-08:00Musings of a 6/2 Splenic ManifestorAn occasional outburst from my awakening experiment and healing journey.Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-82278081184629809982021-11-14T21:28:00.009-08:002021-11-14T21:45:24.589-08:00Full Moon Lunar Eclipse November 2021; Transcending mediocrity by being booted out of our comfort zone. <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5NWN4EhgbMYc51zlMf4bU3870RMCuGtQdgqxqXzCGvwzo53cnLWXfukLN7fPVZCGOGx_XsiQSMIblfhJ4ApGtGQz0IcoRKRLEWrruYfzxZdmlBDKNmGo9yyIyO-SbrmM2R6VAf9FqSYY/s600/Starry+Night+Sky+Photo+Respectful+Quote+Instagram+Post.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5NWN4EhgbMYc51zlMf4bU3870RMCuGtQdgqxqXzCGvwzo53cnLWXfukLN7fPVZCGOGx_XsiQSMIblfhJ4ApGtGQz0IcoRKRLEWrruYfzxZdmlBDKNmGo9yyIyO-SbrmM2R6VAf9FqSYY/s320/Starry+Night+Sky+Photo+Respectful+Quote+Instagram+Post.png" width="320" /></a><h2 style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eclipse at 27° Taurus in Gate 8 </span></h2><p></p><p style="clear: both;"></p><p style="text-align: left;">Here are some flavors of this eclipse from the Gene Key and Human Design perspective.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Eclipses are when a new moon or full moon is conjunct the nodal axis. The nodes travel through each sign for about 18 months and point to the themes of evolution that are playing on a collective and personal level. A Lunar Eclipse is like a full moon on steroids bringing culminations, endings and activations that can bring big changes in our lives whether we are ready for them or not. It can be quite emotional as letting go of the past and stepping out of our comfort zone is never easy so be extra gentle on yourself as the body and mind can be releasing a lot of old energy in the form of pain, anxiety, fear etc.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTOBOutL-2leJ_Qgm_387GBlKlSysOHOfvQpdqhbg83Fz71MIA5BYn7qf-2xQ6Ks2at2GYUxutfKOaHOb-99gKpFYfhINl4g_GdvSAEB8pFsPSjvye7fOcUygheS23odMut1B4eraem38/s600/Screen+Shot+2021-11-14+at+9.12.46+PM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="591" data-original-width="600" height="394" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTOBOutL-2leJ_Qgm_387GBlKlSysOHOfvQpdqhbg83Fz71MIA5BYn7qf-2xQ6Ks2at2GYUxutfKOaHOb-99gKpFYfhINl4g_GdvSAEB8pFsPSjvye7fOcUygheS23odMut1B4eraem38/w400-h394/Screen+Shot+2021-11-14+at+9.12.46+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mars in Scorpio is opposite Uranus in this eclipse mix. This is a classic signature that brings earth shaking events, secrets or news to the surface (literally and metaphorically). This could be news about money and the financial system or supply chain as well since Uranus is in Taurus. These sudden events can nudge or shove us out of our comfort zones and help us face any fears or emotional energy blocks that are preventing us from moving into the direction of our soul’s destiny. </span></p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There could be some painful changes or sensitive triggers in your life during this time (we are no stranger to these by now). Could be the ending of a relationship (consider Venus is in the mix), the death of a dear one, a natural disaster, an accident, a sudden windfall of financial gain, a sudden shift in job position. Whatever comes, know that the Mother/Father God Creator is loving and kind and is offering the most potent experience to help your soul grow and discover the strength, light, love and wisdom inside of your heart.
</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This eclipse is happening in Gene Key 8, (27° Taurus) named the “Diamond of the Self”. </span><p></p><p style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the human design graph this is located in the individual circuit and is connected with the throat center. It has to do with our unique expression and the contribution we’re here to make so this eclipse could bring some powerful energy to get going in the direction of your goals and dreams or to speak up and express what you believe in. However pace yourself as the coming energies are also purging whatever’s in the way of our highest self expression and we will need to take time and space to feel and alchemize these as well. </span></p><p style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Below I have taken some quotes from Richard Rudd’s Gene Keys book to give you a sense of the shadow and gift frequencies of the gene keys that are a part of this eclipse. There is a shifting back and forth between the shadow and gift frequencies until we have done enough work and cleared out enough density to be anchored in the gift.
</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(There are 64 hexagrams in the ancient I-Ching which was written around 1000 BC. Each one of the hexagrams is called a Gate in the Human Design system. Richard Rudd, after learning and imbibing the human design system, then received downloads in which he named each gate a Gene Key and he describes the shadow, gift and siddhi frequency of each one. His Book “Gene Keys” carries a beautiful transmission that can bring awareness and activate the higher frequencies of your own gene keys when reading and contemplating it. </span><a href="https://amzn.to/3kBSQSL" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can get it here.)</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></a></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gene Key 8 - “Diamond of the Self” <br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mediocrity; Beyond the Comfort Zone</span></h2><span style="font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The 8th Shadow, like all the Shadow frequencies, is founded upon a specific fear and in this case it is the fear of being different. The 8th Shadow prevents individuals from rising out of the mass consciousness and exploring the real adventure of life. The true nature of individuality is rebellion, but rebellion is unsafe, so the mass consciousness of humanity chooses the illusion of security instead.”
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“Mediocrity is defined by others rather than by yourself and mediocrity has two main functions. Firstly, it keeps you from thinking outside the box. Under the influence of this low frequency you think like everyone else, look like everyone else and more or less behave like everyone else, and you will do this based on what others may or may not think about you. The second function of Mediocrity is to serve the machinery of society rather than evolution. In other words, you become a cog in the wheel of the systems established by man. In so doing, you become a part of the background of life rather than a major player. Mediocrity prevents people from being heroes or heroines.”</span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>“The 8th Shadow makes you a follower of outside authorities. It even marries you to systems that then become your authorities.”</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />“Only when life forces you to grow, through some kind of crisis or the death of a loved one, for example, do you come to experience your true nature outside the borders of this comfort zone.” <br /><br />“One of the deep fears emerging from the 8th Gene Key is the fear of success. This fear is reinforced through its programming partner, the 14th Shadow of Compromise. You compromise your dreams not because you fear you will fail, but because you know that to succeed you will have to rebel against the whole of society and its expectations of you. You fear what you might become because you do not know who you are."<br /><br /><b>Gift Frequency <br />Style; A Rebel with a Cause</b><br /><br />“Style is more than skin deep. It is the cutting edge of creation itself.” <br /><br />“When the 8th Gift is released from inside your DNA, you suddenly begin to make things happen, and it may seem to you as though the rest of the world is simply stuck inside a dream world.”<br /><br />“This is the by-product of operating at a higher frequency. Now anything becomes possible for you because in yielding to your inner spirit, the sheer force of creativity that comes through you frees up channels and opportunities that were previously blocked.” <br /><br />“Individuals manifesting this Gift have surrendered themselves to a creative process that controls them, rather than them controlling it. Creativity can be a thankless business. Oftentimes an individual is so ahead of his or her own time that their uniqueness is not appreciated until after their death. However, the sense of expansive freedom that comes from letting go into such a process is so fulfilling that success or failure is no longer a major driving force or consideration in their lives.”<br /><br /><b>South Node is conjunct Vesta in Gate 34 </b>(1° Sagittarius) - in the Sacral Center. Bringing a spirit of devotion to letting go of the old ways we use our energy, letting go of needing to effort, trying hard and forcing things to happen. These are rooted in the old masculine paradigm which goes against the natural rhythms of our life that we will be connecting with as the north node move through Taurus. Are you exhausted yet? There is an intelligence within the body that is here to help us re-orient and help us get involved in only those things and people that are correct for us. When energy is being used in alignment with the core of your being, everything becomes like play, effortless and flowing. Your efficiency, creativity and motivation will reach a peak levesl like never before. <br /><br /><b>And the North Node at 1° Gemini is in Gate 20 in the Throat Center </b>- “As you begin to accept that life has its own plans and flow, you also begin to stop interfering with the process at a mental level. No technique can lead to this Gift — only life itself can show you how to let go. This Gift is in fact the precursor to a higher state of spiritual awareness. You begin to discover that decisions in life simply get made, so there is really no point in agonising over them.”<br /><br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>The Ruler of this eclipse is Venus and it’s in Gate 38</b> (12° Capricorn) in the emotional or solar plexus center. <br /><br /><b>Gene Key 38 “The Warrior of Light” </b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is asking us to contemplate and feel for ourselves, what is really worth fighting for? Are you projecting your anger and frustration with the world or your life onto others or yourself? Or can you find the humility to look within and begin to heal the pain inside your own heart, body and mind. This inner work is the only thing that can transform your outer life most profoundly and permanently. <br /><br /><br /><b>Shadow <br />Struggle; A Fight without a Purpose</b><br /> <br />“It is there in the collective energy field of humanity, and it is particularly strong when certain groups of human beings are threatened by other groups, manifesting strongly through its aggressive reactive side. This 38th Shadow likes and needs a fight, and the nature of this fight is dependent upon its frequency. At a low frequency, this Shadow fights with others, with itself or with life itself. It is after all called the Shadow of Struggle.” <br /><br />“At the deepest level, struggle maintains the illusion of your separate identity. As long as you can fight, you can remain in control of your environment. This reflects the greatest human fear — if there is nothing left to fight for, you may cease to exist. “<br /><br />“Other than the absolute necessity of living out your true purpose, there is a great secret to breaking the addictive patterns of struggle embodied in this 38th Gene Key: Simply take a breath. Struggle is a pattern that locks you into a certain breath pattern that makes you totally forget yourself, as well as rendering you deaf to all outside influence. It is as though an outside force has you in its possession and forces you to keep banging your head (or someone else's) against a wall. The moment you take a breath and pause, the pattern is broken and a space arises in which you can reorient your energies. At low frequencies, the tighter you hang on to things, the more resistance you create. By providing gaps in the pattern, you enable transformations to occur, and it is usually in these gaps that the answer to the struggle is resolved.”<br /><br /><b>Gift <br />Perseverance; The Indomitable Spirit of the Underdog</b><br /><br /> The 38th Gift invites you to transcend your separateness through your individuality by means of serving a goal beyond yourself. <br /> <br />“There are warriors in the business world, warriors in government and education as well as in the sciences and arts. Wherever there is a fight for a higher purpose especially against insurmountable odds, there you will find the 38th Gift stretching itself to its limits. Where the 38th Shadow is always fighting out of fear, and usually for survival, the 38th Gift fights for love.” <br /><br /> <br />“The 38th Gift does not think about what it is doing. It does not stop to consider how foolish its behaviour may appear. It simply knows in its heart when something is right and once it has committed its full energy to its appointed task it will never, never back down. Even so, this does not mean that such people are beyond fear, because they are not. However, the frequency of the Gift level ensures that love always wins over fear.”<br /> <br /><br /><b>Pluto is in Gate 61</b> making a channel of awareness with Uranus in Gate 24 and Mars opposite this energy, there can be downloads of inspiration and insight cycling with periods of melancholy, confusion and in the extreme can be psychosis and mental breakdown. These cycles are inherent in the individual creative and awakening process. <br /> <br /><br /><b>The Eclipse is Squaring Jupiter in Gene Key 49</b> (24° Aquarius) making a channel with Saturn in Gate 19 - the Channel of Synthesis<br /><br /><b>Gene Key 49 - The Gate of Revolution</b> - (Saturn moves into this gate in March 2022) - </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This could bring insight into how we are reacting to our fears of rejection (about stepping into our creative gifts or in relationships) or could bring the shadow frequency of a continued pattern of rejecting others first or shutting down when feeling threatened. With Saturn in Gate 19 there is a hyper sensitive vibe in the air. Be gentle with yourself. <br /><br />This could also be looking for those contracts we want to make, the partnerships that we can solidify that will help us make our creative contribution to the revolution of consciousness that is here now. <br /><br />This gate speaks about the most tender place in the hearts of humanity as a whole. It is rooted in childhood and many lifetimes of having been rejected or abandoned. Have compassion for yourself and others as we work through this deepest pain of separation. We are moving towards unity consciousness, it’s written in the stars, it may just look messy and chaotic for a while while many wounds and shadows of humanity are triggered. More people will be doing the shadow work simply because they will be suffering so deeply. Suffering is a gift because it breaks us down to be willing to feel and heal. <br /><br />“As long as you see your own people as good and others as evil, you remain a prisoner of the 49th Shadow.”<br /><br />“We are learning not to react to our fear of rejection, and this fear is losing its grip on us. The new awareness that is coming will give us a physical and emotional knowing that we are interconnected through our auric field and that there is no possibility of rejection or abandonment. Our sensitivity will become incredibly refined. This will change everything — in our societies and our individual lives, but most of all, in our relationship to each other. Once the trigger of awakening within the 49th Shadow has been activated, which is now beginning, the process will precipitate a chain reaction — a genetic whirlwind that will shake the bedrock of human civilization to its roots.“ </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Lots of love to you on your Journey Home. </div>Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-69807491713642116692020-05-06T15:42:00.000-07:002020-05-06T17:08:52.562-07:00Finding Sovereignty in a Chaotic World<span id="docs-internal-guid-a1b2ba2b-7fff-b11b-0dbb-24df69e14ab4"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></p><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">What does it mean to be a sovereign being when there is no such thing as a chooser or do-oer? </span></h3><div><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQPxOA_DpKFUx3xJaZiCAsQSlzrqHGoy-KWKxRFfMGbNqb4n5GtUQN0c4pT6Iqnfvs0YTDZ5rY60hwBhy1H7ZXOickNDWQqALa8GAVG3Y5YayRG18Nvrfz68lMh44RywZ31DK5WiCl3MY/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="565" data-original-width="450" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQPxOA_DpKFUx3xJaZiCAsQSlzrqHGoy-KWKxRFfMGbNqb4n5GtUQN0c4pT6Iqnfvs0YTDZ5rY60hwBhy1H7ZXOickNDWQqALa8GAVG3Y5YayRG18Nvrfz68lMh44RywZ31DK5WiCl3MY/w319-h400/4275876c7417f832b52805f64cd295b7.gif" width="319" /></a></div><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div></span><p></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><font face="arial"><span style="font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">After a powerful shamanic hypnotherapy session with Randy Hold where he helped me establish for myself that I am a sovereign being</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">, I found myself pondering what this actually means this morning in meditation. This is the answer that came through from myself for myself. And perhaps for you. </span></font></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><h2 style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">One - with - my - Self</span></h2><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Connecting to and aligned with an inner authority that is informing the life. This quiet voice inside is what many call intuition. It is an umbilical cord of light which connects your multidimensional self. It reaches down from Source into your soul through the 7 bodies of your human form and straight into your human heart. It is the only navigation system that you need and it is crucial that you strengthen this inner authority as we move forward into these chaotic times on the planet. Those who do not have this alignment with their inner navigation system will spin further into darkness and fear. Those who work on finding this inner authority through the healing of their emotional bodies will be guided perfectly and gracefully through these times. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This authority within, which is the mechanism of sovereignty, has been abandoned, silenced and ignored for lifetimes and is coming back online more and more as you allow the unraveling of your karma to unfold. Using your freewill and the only actual choice that you have; which is to stay contracted in your egoic self or to keep returning your attention to your heart, to that feeling which is everywhere, to the stillness of your being. This choice is what allows the purging of karma, where the dense frequencies of trauma can arise and be seen, heard, felt and alchemized in the light of Truth. In this simple choice, you are choosing to do the work and you are re-establishing this connection with your inner authority consciously and courageously. This allows the cord of light to grow brighter and stronger and clearer. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The clearer it becomes, the greater the tests and challenges come to help you recognize and heal where you are still looking outside yourself. Where you are still caught in the illusion that there is anything other than You. Most players in the dream still believe it is real and so there are many situations in which you will be tested.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoHBRbe57lDJmIskRu3pZdAka9vz4b-OrhjGrZpvVOh0jlLk-XGYAhUKQowWuVW97bBq1Bj36T4PJwh5SJpC_QtIxOEnysoEc9fJJBUGjnowZmnSJpDrgL-kfRhEFq8EomL_ZvZj3-Pq8/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="777" data-original-width="555" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoHBRbe57lDJmIskRu3pZdAka9vz4b-OrhjGrZpvVOh0jlLk-XGYAhUKQowWuVW97bBq1Bj36T4PJwh5SJpC_QtIxOEnysoEc9fJJBUGjnowZmnSJpDrgL-kfRhEFq8EomL_ZvZj3-Pq8/s320/your+own+power.jpg" /></a></div> <p></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People and situations will arise which will give you the opportunity to slow down and check in with yourself before taking action. There’s nothing more important in this dream than You! Nothing in the world takes precedence over you taking the time to listen to and follow your heart. It isn’t always easy as the mind tries to be much louder than this intuitive knowing. To recognize and cherish yourself above all else, this is what strengthens your inner authority so you can know you have everything you need within you. This recognition in you and within each being is what will shift the collective consciousness from one of separation to one of Love and connection. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you recognize yourself as sovereign unto yourself, as a light unto yourself, then you can play in the dream as your character freely, trusting in the movements that come through your vehicle. This trust allows a deeper relaxation which allows a deeper resting in the silence, in your Self, that which is untouched by the dream, that which is never born and never dies, that which is the happiness and love that the character is searching for. And this deeper relaxation frees the character even more until you can no longer be caught in the illusion that the dream has anything to do with you. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All true answers, solutions, movements, words come from this inner authority. When this connection with our sovereignty gets very strong, the movements of the character get more aligned with higher Truth rather than movements from conditioning. Movements from conditioning are done to keep the character feeling safe, they are innocent and yet they can be seen for what they are and transcended. These are movements that come from shoulds and have tos. They are movements that come from a sense of wanting to be special, wanting to have power and control, wanting to be of service, needing my life to look a certain way, not wanting to upset anyone, wanting to perform for others to get the love, and wanting to keep busy and distracted to avoid the uncomfortable feelings that have been ignored for so long. The movements are from conditioning that has kept you away from your soveirgnty for way too long. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When your sovereignty comes back online, as it is now because you have done so much work to free your karma, it is important to remember that the character will be moved in ways that can be seen as controversial to others. There will be movements and words that do not always appear loving or nice. But as you have seen so clearly, there are no mistakes in God’s play, and what appears not loving is actually the most loving thing for everyone involved, including yourself. If love is the fabric of existence and it is the only real thing, how can there be anything or anyone out of alignment with Love. Whatever challenges are coming up in your movie, whether it is physical, emotional, relational, or mental, it is all there to bring you closer and closer to knowing your true Self and honoring your own sovereignty. It is all there to bring you Home. You are coming Home. </span></p><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-37631554307511274332019-08-26T08:58:00.001-07:002019-08-26T08:58:40.030-07:00Reparenting ourselves back to Wholeness<div style="height: 0px;">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">She is learning to welcome herself back Home fully with the divine guidance of the dear ones. Welcoming in parts of herself that have been ignored and neglected for many lifetimes. She hones in on the ability to stop and tune in to this abandoned "little one" inside as the clarity of the mechanics of karma is revealed. As the fractured ego is welcomed in and seen, heard and felt more than ever before, the dense energy trapped in the vehicle is transmuted and the heart is opened. With each cycle of contraction; collapse of the body, confusion in the mind, pain in the heart, the gap of time between the trigger "out there" and the recognition that there is no such thing as out there gets shorter. The trigger is simply the little one wanting to be seen, heard and felt and when she is given attention, she can begin to relax.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">This tender innocence that is herself as a little one has been calling for her attention since she can remember, however because there have been lifetimes of learning how to ignore this voice inside, she did not know any better. This shattered child has cried out for Love for so long in so many destructive and sabotaging ways, all for the chance that I could be there for her fully. To Love her Fully.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">And now the Love is here, it is a self generating effervescent flow of pure being and radiant light, and lo and behold, it's coming from herself to herself. The feeling of this is almost too good to be true.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">OMG, I am the one I've been waiting for!!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></h3>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">As this Truth sinks in, the child inside is beginning to trust and to see that I'm here for her now. I will not reject her, or shame her, or push her away any longer. I will not abandon her ever again. She is falling back into her original self which is my Self. Loving her back to wholeness is the most important thing in the entire universe.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">We, my little one and I, dance together in recognition and joy of this sacred Homecoming and we bow with gratitude and devotion to that which is orchestrating this divine Remembering.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">painting by: Veronique Vella Muskat</span></span></div>
<br />Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-7199649313842393292019-06-09T09:43:00.000-07:002019-06-09T10:40:15.033-07:00Mars in Cancer Opposite Saturn in Capricorn; The Wounded Warrior - June 9th -18th, 2019<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJl4XYSp9_1GyHAs3yyy_Efc1dOTA3gKWd10lI7_4OoAs7QO1780aHmrmu8gmeFADMMOROYAjjEsiCa6mUKtTYgaJ3VGYhPHJyNbVBl2AZi7AbZr91A2IpuCrBmT9c8yILN1TH5bumbE/s1600/defeated+sculpture+garden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="332" data-original-width="500" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJl4XYSp9_1GyHAs3yyy_Efc1dOTA3gKWd10lI7_4OoAs7QO1780aHmrmu8gmeFADMMOROYAjjEsiCa6mUKtTYgaJ3VGYhPHJyNbVBl2AZi7AbZr91A2IpuCrBmT9c8yILN1TH5bumbE/s320/defeated+sculpture+garden.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mars in Cancer is frozen in his tracks. Mars is the planet of action, the warrior who wants to forge ahead and win no matter what. In Cancer he is waylaid by the unfamiliar and heavy waters of emotions. He is overwhelmed and can’t seem to take action the way he thinks he should. He has repressed emotions and he doesn’t understand why they are there or what to do with them.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is deep fear that if he exposes his soft underbelly, it will surely lead to death, for himself and his family. And so he does everything he can to avoid these energies within. This memory of death is deep in his DNA from many lifetimes of having to “man up” and just “do it” because that is what he was taught. Being vulnerable has not served him in the past.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cancer rules the mother. It symbolizes the receptive divine feminine way of being, and it rules the Heart. Mars in Cancer is being asked by spirit to stop, to surrender and to learn how that feelings are a secret superpower. They are here to guide us Home.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">South Node and Saturn in Capricorn - the old structures and ways of producing in the world are falling away. We can no longer sustain as beings who live from our minds. The old paradigm of ignoring our own inner compass in the name of productivity cannot be sustained. Our wounds and repressed emotions are screaming in neon lights and will only be getting louder as everything crumbles around us and we can no longer keep it together. Our inner child can’t be ignored any longer.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We can’t ignore our repressed emotions any longer. We are sick, we are depressed, we are addicted to everything and anything that is entertaining and numbing. And our entire reality will be shifting in the next 10 years to reveal this sickness right in our faces.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For those who are not doing the work yet, the discomfort, fear and anger will intensify. Living in this frequency will reflect an external reality that seems very dark and the suffering will intensity. This is the force that the Beloved uses to turn us within. It is what is called Fierce Grace.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The shift back from living from the old way of striving and efforting to get what I think I want towards living in a receptive state of the divine feminine can feel like being dragged through a dark dungeon. Our rigidity and hardness is being softened and it takes quite a force of suffering to do this. We must learn the grace of not getting what we want.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And in this humbling we are learning to look a little deeper and surrender to a higher power. We are brought to our knees where we live in the new and mysterious land of loving ourselves exactly as we are. And through this deep acceptance we learn to accept the other.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We can’t survive any longer by telling our inner child to go back to it’s corner so we can get shit done. We have reached a crescendo of dysfunction and separation and we can not continue in this manner. It’s time to move into the unknown. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The new order of humanity must be built from the ground up and it starts with each one of us learning to be vulnerable again.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Through this transit, we are all being asked to take the time to investigate the discomfort. What is playing in our movie that is brining up frustration, anger, sadness, rage? What emotions are under the intense sensations in our body? Do we have the courage to ask these sensitive questions?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These signals are the call from our innocence to pay attention. Can we stop and be with our self in a new way and truly receive what is playing? There is only one choice. We can choose to feel once again and return to our beautiful innocence or we can choose to stay rigid, stay separate, stay isolated, stay busy and convince ourselves that we are happy and fulfilled when deep inside we know we are not.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is by falling into our own fragile humanity via the emotions that we can truly reclaim our innocence and live from our hearts once again. We are being invited to align our own will to the will of the Beloved.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mars in Cancer exalted is the spiritual warrior. He is ready and willing to receive everything and anything that the Beloved is offering. All of it. The pain, the beauty, the suffering, the misery. He humbles himself before God, bowing to the Truth that there is only One creator who is orchestrating every single thought, emotion and action. By sheer defeat he has no other choice but to align with this Truth.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In this deep surrender he demonstrates true strength. It is a strength that heals. It aligns him to his heart again. It reveals his own innocence and that of others. And what is discovered is true Power within. The Power of divine creation. That which has been ignored purely through ignorance and need to conquer.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And returning to his own innocence and the feminine way of moving in the world attracts all manner of Celestial beings to his side. He finds an alive passionate tenderness even in the face of these intense emotions that sometimes feel like they will destroy him. And in the willingness to be with himself, everything he ever wanted is revealed to have always been there. He was simply looking in the wrong direction.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#marsincancer #returntoinnocence #newparadigm</span></div>
Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-61722301220228164382019-02-19T17:42:00.001-08:002019-02-19T17:42:14.692-08:006/2 Splenic/Ego Manifestor - My Chart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtEU35QRNGTkCQeFrG6MWD8yu4FhzloZ1A_CetF0JA-xWdlBk93op9OYXTgmfHPPhU0TH9ZOk4Az7FnO4ptNxYZmeZxXY9QVmtKUMM_bgeEeJLEehuQ42FKjccUZ9wm8LuQ6HFcqVoSow/s1600/Trista+Thompson.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="709" data-original-width="900" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtEU35QRNGTkCQeFrG6MWD8yu4FhzloZ1A_CetF0JA-xWdlBk93op9OYXTgmfHPPhU0TH9ZOk4Az7FnO4ptNxYZmeZxXY9QVmtKUMM_bgeEeJLEehuQ42FKjccUZ9wm8LuQ6HFcqVoSow/s400/Trista+Thompson.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-19821663110241673012019-02-16T12:33:00.000-08:002019-02-16T12:47:13.469-08:00Human Design Manifestor - 9 years into my experiment<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trista - 6/2 Splenic Manifestor - 41 years old</td></tr>
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Today is the day I was initiated into human design 9 years ago in 2010 by John Martin. I haven't talked about it with anyone for a very long time as I realized part of the awakening process is letting go of every idea of who you think you are. But a few weeks ago, I ran into a woman in Tiruvannamalai, India who gave me a quick reading and re-ignited something inside.<br />
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Besides reminding me and encouraging me to step into the full expression of this powerful aura I have, she told me to speak. She told me I'm here to bring spirituality to my tribe. That feels true, and there is so much more grounding in reality that needs to happen before I can be a teacher.<br />
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A few days later my beloved came across another message from a random stranger who knew I had a mole on my breast in the exact place that it was, and he said to speak. And then a couple days ago a friend did a spontaneous healing on me with my de-ceased father and she removed an implant in the back of my neck which was blocking my throat chakra. And so here I am, feeling this throat chakra opening as Uranus moves into Taurus in my 10th house and Chiron moves out of Aries. Sharing again after a few years of going into deep silence and burning with the occasional blog post. The process is not complete as there is much to still burn away. The pull into the silence gets stronger as my heart grows brighter. And the journey Home continues. There's no doubts, my destiny is very simple, to know I am Free, to remember who I am, Pure LOVE, Joy and Happiness. And to remember this is your destiny too!<br />
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<br />Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-5527916237136897092019-02-12T16:31:00.002-08:002019-02-12T16:31:47.806-08:00Healing your Ancestral Lineage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjzJMHDdWNwDeHSnEbBPTUa3ennfgKmUMjYuz8GPVvcjn35FbE46lsjWkzqlQJcwzDq5cwObUQFCmeJl9aZIUzDTGfXBxYg9EAXJmQBfgLCm7avjg10GLYmJeVFkPFzjC5zkZRuXsx2Pw/s1600/IMG-2999.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="483" data-original-width="788" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjzJMHDdWNwDeHSnEbBPTUa3ennfgKmUMjYuz8GPVvcjn35FbE46lsjWkzqlQJcwzDq5cwObUQFCmeJl9aZIUzDTGfXBxYg9EAXJmQBfgLCm7avjg10GLYmJeVFkPFzjC5zkZRuXsx2Pw/s320/IMG-2999.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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My ancestors came this morning as a cathedral of trees dancing in the wind. Waking up with a familiar heaviness, body still weak and exhausted after 10 hours of sleep, the mind wonders how much longer I have to endure this purging and healing process to be free.<br />
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I get up, go pee and just sit in the chair of my friend’s bedroom where I'm staying and look out the sliding glass doors. I close my eyes, go within and find out what's under this pain. Time to burn!<br />
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It's not easy to sit with the onslaught of body intensity, but I remind myself to turn back, again and again to what never changes, to what is unaffected by all of this. The awareness goes back and forth from the stillness of the heart to the discomfort of body/mind. The pain in my heart grows more intense and my attention goes to it. It becomes more clear, this is not about trying to quiet anything down and escape to the absolute, this is time to meet this thing.<br />
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I remember what my therapist Randy Hold taught me in our 2 sessions together and begin to speak out loud to the trapped frozen child inside my chest.<br />
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“Come dear one, you are welcome here. Thank you for being here. I just love you.”<br />
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Placing one hand on my chest and one on my forehead, I send the body light and hold myself in the space of love that I have discovered I am. My little one inside is beckoning me through these body sensations and I am calling her forth.<br />
<br />
I stay and welcome the dark thoughts, the contraction in the body, and the hopeless emotions that come with the package. They consume the entire screen of my awareness. There is nothing between me and them now. It is just this.<br />
<br />
Rocking her back and forth, I let her know out loud, “Anyone who went through what you went through would feel the same way. I love you so much. Thank you for protecting me.”<br />
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She slowly opens. I feel her deep sense of vulnerability, the confusion of not knowing how or why to survive, her feeling of being shattered, and her anger at being abandoned by God so early on in this life. All of this and more pours forth and I just hold her and rock her like a baby. The energy releases as tears at first, then it escalates to wailing, screaming and thrashing. The release feels really good.<br />
<br />
After some time of this release, the sheepskin and meditation cushion on the floor beckon me. I sit on the cushion, snot nosed and teary eyed, heart cracked open. My eyes are drawn up outside the sliding glass doors and take in the most beautiful sight I have ever felt. A cathedral of pine trees dancing in the wind looking down upon me with pure love. They feel like home.<br />
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There is a recognition. I am feeling these trees like I’ve never felt before. I am seeing them through my heart. It’s so obvious, they aren’t just trees, they are beautiful, wise, loving beings here to shower me with gratitude and love.<br />
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My heart blasts open more as I feel this wave of love and connection with these ancient blissful beings. The depth of this connection with them brings laughter and tears as I am blown away by how much I can feel them inside of me. Waves of gratitude and support circle from my heart to theirs. We are in true communion. They are my ancestral family.<br />
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And their message becomes clear.<br />
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“Keep going true heart! We are here for you now and have always been. This sacred work you are doing is for all of us. It will free you and your ancestral lineage. We are here holding you and cheering you on! ”<br />
<br />
Another gust of wind blows through and we all dance with delight through our entire being. It feels like applause and celebration and my face begins streaming with tears of joy. This precious beautiful heart is coming to life and its such a gift! To feel the totality of life through the heart, this is the most precious gift and it makes it all so worth it.<br />
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The pain in the chest is now gone and the fatigue begins to slowly lift.<br />
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Just another day's work on this incredible journey Home! The most insane and beautiful journey a human being can take.<br />
<br />
02/12/19 - Mars conjunct Uranus in Aries<br />
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Thank you to my friend and hypnotherapist Randy Hold for teaching me these powerful tools to heal childhood trauma and ancestral karma. And thank you to Devaji and Sangha for holding me in unconditional love, guiding the way home, being my role models, and triggering everything yet to be met.Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-76129956975966131732018-11-26T17:30:00.008-08:002018-11-26T18:10:16.830-08:00An Instrument in Your Cricket Symphony<br />
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<br />
This poem was inspired when Devaji played this recording of crickets slowed way down in satsang. It was so beautiful it brought me to tears.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear God,</span></h4>
<h4>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Strip away this arrogant mind</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">and all it's worldly desires</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">fix my Gaze upon only You.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Reduce me to nothing</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">So that I may be </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">just a finely tuned instrument</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">in your perfect cricket symphony.</span></span></div>
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<br />Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-52796024377968625932018-08-22T14:32:00.002-07:002018-08-22T14:32:27.647-07:00A little Deeper Seeing<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Really feeling this Mercury direct in Leo, which happened 2 days ago. Mercury is communication and Leo is ruler of the heart. Witnessing such clear communication and heart sharing in my movie. Very sweet.</div>
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Just came out of 7 day retreat. So many beings doing such deep work to free themselves. Such an honor to be in this sacred space with this family.</div>
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A little bit deeper seeing into Truth...</div>
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During one of our long breaks between Satsangs, I had been meditating many hours and got up to go pee. Looking in the mirror and seeing these eyes that looked back but there was just this vacant body with eyes, which had no life, but there I was, this awareness everywhere, watching this creature watch itself in the mirror.</div>
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A few days later..<br />After more rooting in this feeling that never changes, this ever present awareness, there was a seeing that this whole matrix including Trista is a 5 dimensional digital projection.</div>
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Laying in bed next to Arjuna, both of us just silent and meditating, the thing that never changes was in the foreground, and I could feel that the body and personality I call me and the body/mind I was laying next to, Arjuna, was a lifeless program just rolling along. Nothing more than a digital projection of thoughts, sensations, sounds, emotions, all coming from and returning to the silence, and what was watching it was ME, the one who is giving life to this program but not affected by any of it. The one who is everywhere, always here. The one who will be here when this program Ends.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
This, the refuge I've been searching for. Home. Nurturing this. Returning to this. Again and again, until I know it to be me 100%.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
And the more this is nurtured, the more the heart continues to purge, with heart ache, and tears and body shakes, and crazy sounds coming out the throat. And then more Love, Joy, and Connection is felt in the aftermath.</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
No one and nothing can touch who we truly are. Amen! Hallelujah!</div>
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-91139761433496943462018-08-14T13:40:00.003-07:002018-08-14T15:16:08.260-07:00Agony of Separation<div style="text-align: center;">
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<br />A Letter to my Beloved Baba</div>
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More heart ripping intensity </div>
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As I'm dragged willingly on my knees</div>
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through the birth canal </div>
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to new life and true eternal Love</div>
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Feeling the immensity of this pain</div>
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Of separation</div>
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For myself and all humanity</div>
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How deep does it go</div>
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The body is immobilized with fatigue</div>
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Day after day pushing me to the edges</div>
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Of what I think I can bear</div>
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Insanity is just around the corner</div>
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And the numbing continues to wear off</div>
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The Beloved desperately wants me back</div>
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The pull into the silence continues to grow</div>
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What else to do</div>
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But feel the waves of everything</div>
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Flow thru this immense and willing heart</div>
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Surrendering to the Grace</div>
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of What IS</div>
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Waiting patiently</div>
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For You</div>
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This life has been nothing </div>
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but an offering to This<br />
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As long as it take</div>
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Precious one</div>
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I will remain<br />
only yours</div>
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-76367329485695916672018-06-16T12:55:00.001-07:002018-06-16T12:55:36.144-07:00Chronic Illness & Spiritual AwakeningEpstein-Barr Virus can be brutal, I know because it's what I've been working with for the past 10 years, maybe more. It carried me through an 8 year Dark Night of the Soul where I faced many demons and core level fears. Self hatred, deep inadequacy, codependency, and many more ego issues were met and burned through. <br /><br />The darkness was so intense and so relentless at times, I almost gave up on life, yet something didn't let me. Something inside knew this experience was leading me somewhere my mind could not understand. What is clear now, is that taking away my energy and health was God's vehicle of pure love and light. It was a way for my ego to be purified and my personal will humbled into nothing. <br /><br />It's been the heroine's journey to return me back to my own purity and beautiful heart where true happiness lives. I hope this video will help others realize the gift of this condition, as hard as it can be, to trust that the gifts it will bring will be abundant and well worth the journey. I love you my fellow warriors of Love and Light! Be well, you are being guided Home.<br /><br />
https://youtu.be/fAK41Fzj6qIHamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-27303651965833693562017-11-30T12:00:00.001-08:002017-11-30T12:00:29.816-08:00Heading to India oh my! <div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="1kutq" data-offset-key="b9f89-0-0" style="background-color: white;">
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Counting down 4 days til I embark upon a 10 week pilgrimage to India. Excited and nervous.
Some burning is inevitable, some fatigue is definite, emotional breakdowns are probable, some bliss is likely, but whatever will happen on this journey is welcomed. There is true faith in the fact that I am being guided in perfect timing to finally and completely let go of the separate "I" and be returned to the natural state of pure joy and love in every moment no matter what is happening in this movie. The end of all fear is near.
I will be spending lots of time with the mountain called Arunachala where Ramana Maharishi the awakened master sat his entire life. He transmitted the Truth through mostly silence. He is the most revered teacher in India and I am so honored to be heading his way.
Although my relationship with Ramana is not very intimate at this point, he did come to me in a shamanic journey a couple years back. With the soundtrack of some live drumming, I was guided to the upper world to meet a spirit guide. I climbed a tree and jumped to a cloud then traveled via giant Hawk up through the sky into the vast open space of the universe.
Hovering in a cloud in the heavens I waited patiently with the knowing that someone may or may not come and I was not to force anything to happen. I had learned from previous journeys to just let the subconscious mind do it's thing and not expect anything. And the logical mind as usual was most skeptical of this sort of thing.
However, after a few minutes of waiting and a few times of requesting a spirit guide to come, to my surprise, Ramana appeared. He gave me a simple message.
"You must go all the way."
And it was just 2 weeks after this experience when a new friend told me about Devaji. Some say that Devaji is an incarnation of Ramana. I would say they are correct. They share the same birthday and many other similarities.
Devaji has a very powerful effect that drew me in immediately. Within meeting him at my first retreat, I felt so pulled to his transmission of Love that I moved to Shasta to be with him full time. Now I consider waking up my full time job and miraculously have been supported in this endevour.
Little did I know that the Love that him, his wife and the sangha would shower on this shattered soul would be just the recipe for freedom and healing that I needed. It was this unconditional love that was needed to allow the deepest pain to surface, to be felt, to be held and to be freed. I am so blessed to fall into this ocean and now to be heading to the motherland and Shiva mountain with my sweetie who is ironically named Arjuna. (warrior of Truth).
Thanks for sharing in this journey my friends. Your words of kindness have been a warm blanket of support on this treacherous journey. In truth, the deep suffering has been my greatest gift from God. It takes great desire to break free from the shackles of the ego and without the suffering, freedom would not be desired and so passionately sought.
Jai Ma!</span></span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-69666390189848250612017-10-29T12:48:00.003-07:002019-02-21T11:24:38.584-08:00Chronic Fatigue and spiritual awakening; A blessing in disguise<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There has been struggling with Chronic Fatigue and Epstein Barr Virus for as long as I can remember, at least 15 years, probably more. I didn't know for sure that it was EBV up until last month. It started to manifest many years ago as a deep depression and fatigue that just got progressively worse.</div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
When you have a life threatening illness, it's important to do what you can to heal the body. But what's more important is to heal the soul.</h3>
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Back in college 17 years ago, there were repeated dreams where I was so extremely tired that I would lay down on the floor in the middle of class and fall into a deep heavy sleep. These dreams were an omen of what was to come. EBV would cyclically strip me of all life force to the point of near death over and over again.<br />
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This journey with Chronic Fatigue, Depression and EBV has taken me on such a profound spiritual quest that I actually wouldn't trade it for anything. It's been a forced deep dive into the heart of darkness to face every fear and belief that keeps me stuck in separation from God; from knowing my true eternal nature. Through the grace of EBV, I am being dragged back Home to my true original SELF. Back to a state of pure bliss and joy that can not be taken by anyone or anything, including an EBV flare up.<br />
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Anyone who has EBV knows what hell is like; days upon days of waking up feeling like shit, no energy to do anything, no ability to participate in life, and just being forced to lay in bed with your dark thoughts and dying aching body. After so many years of cycles into darkness I can say I've been to hell and back so many times it's like a 2nd home to me. </div>
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<br />"In a murderous time, the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn." ~Stanley Kunitz</h3>
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The greatest blessing of EBV is that it has caused such deep suffering that there really has been nothing else to do but turn to Truth, to go within and find out who I really am. It has stripped me of all worldly desires simply because there is no energy for pursuing them. I have had no choice but to learn how to slow down and be still. To be with myself in silence and find out who I really am beyond the body and mind.<br />
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So this is my update from the healing trenches from a spiritual perspective. It's been awhile since I posted anything online, there's been an extended retreat into silence and stillness with Devaji and sangha. I've been attending every retreat he offers and now that I'm living in Mt Shasta I am attending the core group satsangs as well. I do not watch or listen to the news nor have I been on facebook or reading anything. Just learning to simply be..a Warrior of Truth.<br />
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What does that mean to be a Warrior? It means that when things get intense, the body crashes and the mind spins into fear, rather than getting swept up in the stories that something is wrong, to keep still, go within, pray to be a vessel of light and to just witness. To watch the mind spin it's stories of survival, of not being enough, not doing enough, and that everyone is mad at me and I need to do more to be loved. And to watch and RECEIVE whatever is arising, the pain of the body, the agony of the heart, the psychic attack of the mind, to receive all of it like a mother would hold her child.<br />
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And to really look and see, where is all this coming from? Who is the Me that is suffering? Can I actually find a Me?<br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." ~ Gospel of Thomas</span></h3>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">This is a truth which every mystic knows. As a result of facing the darkness within time after time, and watching the fears rise up and dissolve, a deep trust in life has arisen. I can see the perfection in all of it, even what the mind would call bad. I can feel the incredible grace in this sickness which has lead me down the rabbit hole in the passionate pursuit of Truth. And I have been show true LOVE, for myself, for life in all it's flavors and colors, and true compassion for myself and others. <br /><br />I do not wish anything were different. This is easy to say when I'm not in a flare up. But truly each round with EBV brings me into deeper surrender, deeper peace and a more intimate relationship with What Is or God. </span><br />
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Allowing and feeling the pain of lifetimes has burst the heart wide open and softened the hard shell which was built around it for so long. The rewards of this process is feeling more passion, more and more natural joy and love and an incredible compassion for myself and human condition. And the story of me and "my suffering" dissolves more and more. I am returning to my natural state of No One where true happiness reside.<br />
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I have been gifted with donations from my beloved sangha to go to<a href="https://www.devaji.org/india/" target="_blank"> India with Devaji this winter</a>. I will be sitting with him at the feet of Arunachala where Ramana Maharishi lived and transmitted the silence for so many years. The trip got me reinvigorated to get this body strong, so there was a looking online for more help to address EBV. I came across oral hydrogen peroxide therapy and am giving it a try. Using this, a rife machine and some targeted supplements, there is a feeling of hope again that I can live EBV free. I also came across this <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChronicEpsteinBarr/" target="_blank">wonderful support group on Facebook.</a><br />
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Whether or not the body fully recovers is irrelevant as I have tasted Truth and it's all I want. I have been given a few glimpses over the years of what it means to live outside the maia, the illusion, the box of the separate one. This place contains the deepest peace and joy that one could never imagine. It is a place where the joy and love remain despite what is happening in the body or mind or the world around us. It is Heaven on Earth and we are all being invited to return to this place.<br />
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If you have been given the gift of EBV, heed the invitation dear one. Your life is already being slowed down for you. Learn to be still. Feel the emotions that want to be felt. Watch the mind in it's insanity and see it for the innocent trouble maker that it is. Stop! and feel your heart. Focus on the awareness that never leaves you. This is where your true happiness lives.<br />
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Yes it is important to take care of the body, get the right supplements and change your diet. However this life is fleeting and it will be over soon, the body is dying anyways. You might as well spend your valuable time here finding out who you really are. Our suffering is our gift from Creator, he/she/it wants us back so badly she is willing to put us in hell so we begin to turn towards the Light within.<br />
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For the physical side of things, see my next post. I have been guided to the H202 or hydrogen peroxide therapy to kill the virus and get the body strong for my trip to India in December. Oh boy!</div>
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-76257820893598337872017-07-17T17:50:00.005-07:002022-12-28T10:05:08.415-08:00Human Design PHS Experiment - Diet of Indirect Light and Touch<div data-block="true" data-editor="842pl" data-offset-key="cpumq-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">**Update 12/28/2022</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
**Update 02/20/19 - I only lasted on my PHS experiment for about 2 weeks, it wasn't time yet to go this extreme. It may cycle again but not from a mental decision. Turns out my energy crashes are due to some early childhood trauma that has compromised my body in many ways. It is the greatest challenge and greatest gift of this life. If you are looking for some deeper answers to your chronic health issues, check out the <a href="http://manifestormusings.blogspot.com/2017/10/ebv-and-spiritual-awakening-blessing-in.html" target="_blank">written post </a>on Chronic Fatigue and Spiritual Awakening. Or <a href="https://youtu.be/fAK41Fzj6qI" target="_blank">my video</a> on my youtube channel. Good luck with your PHS experiment and much love on your journey home <3 font=""></3></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">07/17/2017
Today is Day 5 of my Indirect Light Touch eating experiment. Feeling good and it's been surprisingly easy to just drink liquids and munch on a few carrots during the day. (on a side note I am using <a href="http://www.trittles77.le-vel.com/" target="_blank">Thrive with the DFT Duo</a> patch which helps cut cravings tremendously, a huge reason it's been much easier this time around.) Night time comes and there's this energy, mostly mental, I've never experienced before.
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This PLR DRR Manifestor passive body is truly meant to just chill most of the time. I now accept even at my peak energy levels and health, I will never be a generator doing things and going places on a consistent basis. It's really this mind that the nutrition is meant for. And even that needs long periods of rest and meditation.
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The past few years I've become a pretty healthy eater out of necessity to try and heal a chronic fatigue situation. So slowly I've gotten rid of food addictions (popcorn and coffee were the last ones to go) and now eat very little sugar, no gluten, mostly veggies and organic meats, and some healthy clean carbs.. and all in a search to find out what was making my energy crash and honestly it has been impossible to find a pattern with relation to food and the body's energy.</span></div>
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Ironically, Ra has said that it doesn't matter what is eaten was long as it is dark out, the body will take in the nutrition. So there is curiosity to test this theory but not want to go overboard with eating "toxic cardboard" food.
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But last night I tested it, I made a 4 hour drive in the evening to avoid the heat, I was excited for the sun to set so I could eat yet not sure what I wanted to eat. I ended up stopping at Panda Express of all places, fast food I haven't eaten in years. It was intense in flavor and kind of satisfying. Then I was still hungry about an hour later and stopped and ate Taco Bell, then around midnight I had a piece of sourdough toast - not gluten free! - with butter and jam just to make sure I went to be on a full stomach.
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Today I'm feeling really stable energy despite all the junk I ate last night. Feeling Surprised and Curious that this is happening and encouraged to keep going.
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Anyone else experiment with this "you can eat anything as long as it's at night" theory? </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">How's your PHS experiment going?
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The PHS Determination in Human Design is about how we take in nutrition from our food and people in the most optimal way. My Color is 6 and I am Right Fixed which means my design absorbs the most nutrition after the sun goes down or in Indirect Light. If I do eat during the day I can pull the curtains closed and eat by a lamp. But I'm going extreme this time and only eating when it's dark out, which right now is 8:30pm so it's a long day.
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My Tone is 6 which indicates a need to touch my food when preparing and/or eating it because my fingers are literally taking in the nutrition information from the food more so than my mouth. </span></div>
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-53001903611253429522017-05-29T08:57:00.001-07:002017-05-29T09:00:40.957-07:00Your Pain is your Gateway to Passion<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7dlhu" data-offset-key="3j6i-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="3j6i-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">The ability to feel the incredible beauty and passion of life is directly related to your willingness to feel the pain of your character's particular piece of human suffering. O</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">ur soul's have each chosen a burden which can seem insurmountable to overcome. Drug and alcohol addictions, a physical illness, depression, physical abuse in childhood, betrayal, mistrust in life and other people, feeling stuck, chronic poverty, abandonment by God, fear of dying, etc.
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It's all a gift from our Soul to lead us deeper into our hearts. The Beloved will do what it takes to bring you Home even if it means bringing you to unimaginable pain and suffering, even to the edge of death. It takes a simple heart felt intention to be free from whatever it is, the openness to be willing to change, and the courage to do the work.
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The more you sit with yourself and meet this aspect the more it will rise to the surface to be met. On it's way out it can feel so intense, like it will destroy you. Stay with it. Hold it as you would a small child.
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Because what is discovered overtime in this process is that underneath this fear and pain is the exquisitely sweet and passionate longing of the heart to return to itself. This feeling is what we're looking for. It is Passion.
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So let your Pain be your gateway to your Passion. Because you can't have one without the other.
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We all have the Passion of the Christ inside of us to return home and remember that we are the LOVE that we are searching for.</span></div>
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-8084977671915118052017-01-20T08:28:00.000-08:002017-01-20T08:28:05.094-08:00The Revolution Begins with YOU! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5VE375Fa_16MyZnnnTind6GWLMj-pDkBW0OTCeqJHWWxlb1jUinP4PQXckPCXdnfssAAPmf9vSTX5zHPUUq8JiXStKJnyi0-Y3KCpvMuVcfd32qIR4bOAXID3iuLTBe0CyCSkINVd6xk/s1600/warriorwomanandwolf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5VE375Fa_16MyZnnnTind6GWLMj-pDkBW0OTCeqJHWWxlb1jUinP4PQXckPCXdnfssAAPmf9vSTX5zHPUUq8JiXStKJnyi0-Y3KCpvMuVcfd32qIR4bOAXID3iuLTBe0CyCSkINVd6xk/s320/warriorwomanandwolf.jpg" width="320" /></a><br /></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your beautiful and brilliant SOUL is calling you home. Will you answer the call?</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-3c715981-bcb3-651f-d5d2-47e7d2e53ee3" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To my friends who are feeling heavy emotions and calling out for something more in their life, I am feeling your tender heart, because I AM YOU. Listen to that voice inside you telling you something is missing, because if you have not yet discovered your own beauty within, there IS something missing. There IS another reality waiting for you, one of joy, passion, freedom, love, beauty and abundance. I’m here to tell you this reality is your birthright and it is POSSIBLE. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In this time of the Kali Yuga, the darkest time in the turning of the ages, before the light returns and humanity ascends to the Golden Age once again, we must fight for our birthright with everything we have! You fighting for your TRUE happiness does matter! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This “something more” doesn’t have anything to do with tangible objects, you can’t buy it in a store, or wear it on your body, or get it from a partner. You can’t go back to school for it, or take a vacation to find it, or work harder at your job to get it. You can’t drink it, smoke it, snort it or take it on your tongue. You can’t take Thrive for it (although the right nutrition will help when times get rough ;)</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s much more subtle than that, it requires stopping to listen, because at first it’s merely a whisper. A whisper that something isn’t quite right, that what you’ve been taught that life is about is all wrong. Because it is! You’ve been given mental programs to keep you small and keep you in fear. They simply aren’t true, they aren’t who you are, and the pathway HOME is to discover and free yourself from these oppressive programs in your mind.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your beautiful and brilliant soul is calling you home. Will you answer the call?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Are you willing to listen to that voice that says I’m hurting, I’m sad, I’m lonely, I’m depressed, I want out? and are you willing to feel it and hold that wounded part of yourself like an infant with the love and tenderness of a new mother? Because although those feelings are NOT who you are, they are your friends, they are the doorway back to your original SELF, back to your heart, to the beautiful bright being you were born to be. Be Grateful they have come to rescue you. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Welcome these visitors of shame, pain, sorrow, guilt, anger and fear and give them their stage, be with them and allow them to move through you with puddles of tears and flames of rage! Give them your AWARENESS, that’s all you need to do. They will bring you to your knees. They will make you humble and patient, cracking your heart wide open so you may learn to truly LOVE yourself and others and learn to TRUST in Life to provide for you. They are there to reconnect you to that which created you and that which you long to return to.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not going to sugar coat it, there is an enormous current (the collective mind) that wants to keep you stuck in the mediocrity of life, in the fear of the future, in the busyness of buying things and going places. Your family, friends, and peers, probably won’t understand you when you say to them, Isn’t there something more? I’m depressed. I want to live again!! And they may tell you it’s not possible. Just go back to what everyone else is doing. They may tell you to stay with the job you hate for financial security and to try anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds so you can return to “life as usual”. But do not listen.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Seek a higher wisdom, pray for guidance, get on your friggin knees and call out to a higher power that you don’t yet believe in, shout out to the HEAVENS that you ARE WILLING TO CHANGE! And then wait and Trust that you will be lead to the right person at the right time. Start focusing on YOU and YOU will be taken care of. This is your path, unique to you, and it will begin to get more and more clear as you walk it and begin to TRUST spirit to guide you.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is your time! These icky feelings are your soul’s whisper that are calling you back to your heart. Do not ignore them. Spend time alone, feel what’s coming through, don’t put on a happy face and pretend you’re not broken hearted and wounded from lifetimes of disappointments from yourself and others. You must take the space to STOP and face this seeming darkness, because these feelings are part of the universal human story and we must feel them if we wish to be liberated from them. We have all been betrayed, lied to, abused, taken advantage of and abandoned. It is OUR Collective STORY, you are not UNIQUE in your story, however alone you may feel in it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WAKING UP means we must be willing to experience all of it, even the darkness, especially the darkness. Because when we spend time with it we see it is our ally. Yes, the stakes seem to be high, you may not survive, you may be rejected, you may feel like giving up, you may be confused and alone with your own insane mind and heavy emotions. Pray, meditate, walk in nature, listen to those you who resonate with, and learn to be Still. The rewards of your own freedom, of true clear authority and autonomy are worth it!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So if there is stirring within, and you are ready and willing to change, then you can return to a life of magic and mystery without fear of the future, without apologies for who you are, without anxiety, without that annoying taskmaster that says you must work hard to survive and that life is a STRUGGLE.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There IS something more waiting for you. And it is your own precious SELF. And even though there will be resistance from outside forces, going through the darkness of your repressed emotions and fears will be the best gift you can give to you, your family and humanity. For then you can truly shine your light unto the world and BE the change you wish to see in the world. The Revolución starts within. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to share a playlist that has helped move emotions through me for many years. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSgtRxweQlwBTy7LAazYdnnotGNFiOBEE</span></div>
Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-21949387739451923322016-12-03T07:15:00.003-08:002016-12-03T07:15:46.584-08:00Jupiter in Libra Opposite Uranus Square Pluto = Accelerated Evolution through Relating<div class="_1dwg _1w_m" style="font-family: inherit; padding: 12px 12px 0px;">
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Through taking responsibility for ourselves and our emotions in relationships we can see that our pain and suffering is here for our growth. When someone does or says something that "triggers" us and makes us upset, the only choice we have<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;"> is to either see the gift or start blaming or lashing out on the person and play the victim. We can choose to stop and feel the pain, breathe through it, and heal it or we can choose to continue to be captive to our childhood wounds. It can be painful process but it's here for our own growth. The mind will try to distort and blame and rationalize, don't listen to it. JUST FEEL!<br /></span>Here's the cold hard truth that's becoming much more clear, no one else is responsible for how you feel. And no one is responsible to make you feel better. When we are triggered, it's due our own un-met shadows within. Will you choose to face and accept the shadow or continue to run away, smoke more pot, guzzle another beer, eat more shit and numb yourself from the pain? First step is awareness. 2nd step is to STOP And Feel, 3rd Step is to be FREE! Love wants us back so desperately that it's willing to make us suffer until we turn within and face what's blocking us from knowing who we really are, pure LOVE.</div>
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-66403346323027449032016-12-03T07:14:00.002-08:002016-12-03T07:14:41.867-08:00Open Emotional Center No Activations - Relationships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm a splenic manifestor with an open emotional center and no activations. (In case you don't know what center that is, it's the white triangle on the right of my chart.) This has been a very tricky center to understand. My emotions are experienced as either completely overwhelming with the collective pain and suffering of humanity and my entire body and mind feels defeated, or I'm neutral and almost "cold". It's difficult for me to feel compassion for just one person but I often feel the plight of a deeply wounded humanity.<br />
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It's been 7 years of de-conditioning this sucker and it's finally getting a little more clear how to navigate with this vulnerable center. I just ended a very intense 3 month relationship with an emotional generator who is unaware of how his emotional wave functions and through our time together I learned very clearly what it means to be emotionally blackmailed. It's when someone is in their down wave and is trying to manipulate you to make you feel like you're responsible for it, and/or they want you to make them feel better by getting affection from you when you're not really feeling like giving it because of the way their acting. He wanted me to give him nurturing because what I did activated his wounded child but my body didn't trust him because of the distortion of his emotional wave. At first I tried to push against my self and give him this nurturing because I'm a kind person and want to help heal others, but then it felt clear it was going against my authority so I stopped doing that and stood in my power.<br />
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The emotionally aware person would know how to take full responsibility for their down wave and learn how to parent and nurture themselves as I have learned to do for myself. I had an entire childhood of walking on eggshells around an emotionally unaware father and I'm so done with this bullshit. I'm finally seeing that it's okay that I'm emotionally neutral, holding a loving silent space for someone to un-ravel is more healing than nurturing them because it gives them a mirror to discover the love and stillness underneath their crisis. And really I would like to have this kind of presence in a partner for when I'm un-raveling as well.<br />
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After going through this cycle with him a few times, I was able to see this manipulation happening clearly for the first time and didn't give into his games, stood my ground in my authority, and it felt very empowering. I understand that the wounded child and it's delicate nervous system goes unconscious when triggered, and people say and do stupid shit when they're triggered, I have compassion for this process in everyone including myself. But the lesson I learned here is, No matter what I did, said or didn't do, it's never my fault for how someone else feels. And it's never someone else's fault for how I feel.<br />
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We're all perfectly innocent in the pre-ordained unfolding of our character, it's healing and it's story. All we have to do is stay grounded in awareness and as Ra says "Watch the movie". The evolution of our species depends on this quality of awareness developing. What I learned through my teacher Devaji and have experienced for myself is this; all of our painful emotions cycle around again and again for the opportunity to feel and heal them. Relationships are a wonderful opportunity for these wounds to get triggered and when someone does trigger this pain, it's truly a gift, not a punishment. <br />
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I've also learned through this relationship how to see and be with my own shadow and through loving it I can love myself and others more completely. Wow, Jupiter in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn = accelerated evolution through relationships.Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-13261145380751244582016-08-05T08:19:00.000-07:002016-08-10T11:05:58.860-07:00Glimpsing through the Glass Vortex of Reality<div class="p1">
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Today I’m on my knees longing for HER like I’ve never longed before, it almost feels like unrequited love yet it’s not quite as I am being pulled stronger by that which cannot be seen or heard, but can be felt more and more in the heart. </div>
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<span class="s1">It’s a painfully slow process, this love affair with the Beloved. HER dance with me is a very long and drawn out romantic dramedy with lots of flirtation and foreplay, betrayal and loss. Sometimes it feels like I'm being tortured with the constant barrage of negative thoughts and extremely fatigued body. These times, I now know are designed to stoke this fire of longing. HER love for me is so immense, she's can be ruthless in her ways to get my attention. During the dark times, she's dragging me in shackles out of this love for me to return to HER. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">With just enough crumbs of titliation, where I feel the vibrancy of the silence and the warmth in my heart, I am lured by her more and more. I am given small glimpses beyond the veil and delicious morsels of sweetness which keep me coming back for more. My desire to sit and be silent is more natural now. There is no discipline to it, I just find myself throughout the day at some point, wanting to sit quietly and so I do.</span></div>
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When there are glimpses through the veil, the focus isn’t on the mind, it’s on where the thoughts, sounds and sensations are coming from. If I had to try and describe it would be like a glass funnel vortex, with a constant flow of phenomena emanating from it that begins and ends in my chest. Reality flows from the middle of it and over the sides in a constant never ending river of watery creation that has beginning and no end. It’s a bubbling spring of light and color, sensations and sounds, feelings and thoughts. The matrix rebuilding itself over and over, pixel by pixel in each moment.</div>
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The glimpses have been not a shift in perception of what my eyes see, but a shift in how I feel the this bubbling realty happening through my heart center. The body, which used to experience the world through my mind and it’s constant commentary of me and my character in this environment now is becoming more sensitive to it’s environment and experiencing the world viscerally through my heart and other senses as well. The trees and the wind, the emotional waves of other humans, the trickling of the creek, a vulture overhead, the thoughts floating by, it’s all a part of this movie we call Trista and her story from her point of view on the funnel of reality.<br />
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We’re all connected through this watery funnel of love which has no distinct qualities, no opinions about what should or shouldn't be happening, it's completely at peace and just enjoying the show. This place is where we meet in the deepest sense. </div>
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<span class="s1">The character I call me is just part of that pixelation, or overflow of continuous LOVE (although the feeling of love is fleeting and not very strong yet). She’s part of the entire flow of the picture and somehow it’s emanating from her. The area it’s flowing from is the center of what we call our chest. And another area just between the eyebrows which we called the 3rd eye vibrates and tingles more and more as I dip in and play with the stillness, and she teases me over and over, very slowly dancing with me, luring me to the edge of reality, to the silence beyond the thoughts. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">What else is waiting there for me in this Silence?</span></div>
Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-47895275210917221832016-07-25T08:39:00.000-07:002016-08-10T11:19:15.523-07:00Retreat with Devaji: Grief & the Agony of SELF AbandonmentDay 4 of a 7 day retreat with Devaji:<br />
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Sinking deeper into the silence,. During both Satsangs today, the entire Sangha is bathed in this rich, loving silence. We all bask in it for a long time after Devaji ends the session. It feels inviting and I am able to avoid coming home from the afternoon session and immediately turning to technology. Instead the body and mind is significantly slowed down, wanting to nurture the stillness and turn within.<br />
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A slight headache has developed since the morning. Not yet aware that this is the grief wanting to surface.<br />
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Around 7pm after cleaning, I am already tired, the pressure in the head is stronger. The body sits down on the bed and gazes out the window, the third eye pulses and tingles. I watch the mechanical thoughts swirl around attempting to grab attention and often successfully doing so. But the love is there and the presence is strong. I doze off to sleep and wake to see the sun is setting. It's only 8pm but I decide to climb under the covers and play some calming music. The body sinks into my cozy bed and jolts every so often as it breathes deeply. It feels like energy shooting up the body and getting stuck at the heart center.<br />
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One hand rests on the heart, the other on the womb. The breath slows. The healing music is taken in deeply in every cell. I feel safe, I feel love. It's different this time, no fear, no resistance; instead there's a welcoming of this energy.<br />
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The body jolts and sobs from the heart before the tears actually come. It's a familiar feeling that happened often during my ayahuasca ceremonies. The grief is held deep within and the body in it's wisdom shakes itself to loosen the trauma. Images flash of me as a child around 10 years old in my room, having the sense of being watched, not understanding what this feeling was. And having the sense of being very lost and confused and not feeling love. Feeling this child, abandoned from the Love that she is, and all the chaos and confusion over the life that unfolded as a result. It brings tremendous Grief and sadness for this child and all the other children who experience the same thing.<br />
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The overwhelming agony of me/this child being separated from her heart begins to release through my body. How could I abandon my SELF for so long? Feeling so many years of so much pain and suffering of being lost. And now overwhelmed with Gratitude for the Ocean of Love that I am swimming in from Devaji and my sangha family. The tears flow for this incredible gratitude and tremendous grief, both equal forces on my heart. And it was divinely human.<br />
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Waves of Love from myself for myself, I go back to the scene in my bedroom and see that this Love was the thing that was watching me and it was there with me all along, through the whole journey.<br />
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Returning to my own Radiant Heart.<br /><br />
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<br />Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-62218687921032113902016-07-16T07:48:00.002-07:002016-07-25T08:09:11.083-07:00Reality Check; Enlightenment isn't an Escape Button<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="7q2gv" data-offset-key="1eltj-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="1eltj-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">When I moved to Mt Shasta last year in August 2015 to be with Devaji and the Sangha, I had this wild fantasy that I kind of knew what enlightenment was and what it took. With all the work I felt had done already to clear away the darkness, I naively thought, it would only be a matter of months maybe a few short years before I was free. Haha, what a joke. I really thought I had made significant progress towards liberation in my 5 years of being an avid seeker. And honestly, I feel I have done some good work and have taken steps in the right direction. But, what I learned over the past year is that I actually know nothing and I am just a baby in this process. I’ve been deeply humbled and have come to a place of acceptance about how little I know about the emotional intelligence of being human and also how steadfast one must be in this journey to liberation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">5 years of soul searching and working with ayahuasca and I really felt like I made a big dent into some big darkness that kept me stuck in this contracted reality of a body and mind. But the truth is, I had just scratched the surface. This year has been one of nearly continuous purging with a few reprieves and glimpses of truth & beauty. I’m so blessed to be surrounded by some of the most unconditionally loving people on the planet and this Love is creating a safe space to cradle me back to wholeness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I feel that the deck I was dealt in this life has been so incredibly difficult internally. There’s been a constant barrage of negative thinking, (with a stellium of planets in my 3rd house including Pluto and my progressed Sun in Scorpio, jeezus f’ing Christ! it’s lot of Scorpio people), it’s been a life of deep transformation and facing difficult truths. A nearly constant mental torment of self oppression, insecurity, seeing the darkness in people and life and not understanding why I see this, and just plain confusion about everything. This created a extreme sense of lack and insecurity about myself, my perception of the world and speaking my truth. There’s been such chaos and confusion in my life that there was really no one to trust, especially not my own mind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So naturally, God was the next thing presented to me as something consistent, loving and stable to turn to. Enlightenment has been a very appealing path, what was appealing at first is I thought it’s like an escape button, and if there’s an option to get the fuck out of this insanity of being human, I’m choosing that one. I felt that becoming free from this body/mind would allow me to escape this character and her sad story all together and rest in the bliss of being. And in a sense this is true. Once we are completely un-identified with our body and mind, we do get to rest in the bliss of being. But the reality is that enlightenment is anything but an escape button and very rarely do people just "wake up" and all identification is wiped out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">What I didn’t fully grasp was how deeply into the heart of Trista I have to go in order to become free from her story. Every fear, every repressed emotion, every situation I’ve avoided, all the relationship stuff I’ve hidden from must be met. No stone will be unturned. In order to merge back with my SELF, all of this uncomfortable stuff must be allowed to surface, to be felt deeply, to be loved and released. Devaji often talks about "meeting it all the way" and I'm slowly learning what this means. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This work is a fucking difficult and exhausting and I’ve realized I really need to pace myself. And with this extreme fatigue I’ve had, my body is only allowing so much so it’s not like I’m choosing to pace myself, the body is doing it. As Devaji says, everything unfolds in it’s perfect timing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In typical Trista fashion, when I find something I’m passionate about, I’m overly driven to hurry up and get things done quickly, effectively and be the first to achieve it. This is my Open root in human design. There is a competitive driven conditioning in me, So this conditioning is being worn down and it’s painful. Devaji pointed out to me in the chair one Satsang after I collapsed crying in his arms, that my character overcompensated as a child from not being fully taken care of by being Driven to get it for myself, to take care of myself. It's true, I've worn myself out thinking I had to do it all myself. This past year has really been about letting go and learning to be taken care of. I’ve somehow made my way into the most supportive, loving community of incredible people who’ve done the work and are here ready with open arms to receive me and help me meet all of my shadows. It’s like the jackpot for any seeker to fall into this situation because without this Love there’s no way I could meet the amount of Scorpionic darkness that is slowly revealing itself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And so I will continue, constantly humbling myself to the One who knows what’s best for Trista and learning to have the strength and courage to receive what is being given no matter how ugly and confusing it feels. And with each exquisitely painful and purifying purge, disassembling the false belief that I am separate from God</span></div>
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Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-18710794376276227622016-05-10T21:45:00.004-07:002019-11-10T18:11:00.230-08:00Dark Night of the Soul<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There's nowhere to go from here</div>
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but down</div>
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deeper into the well</div>
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where I'm told<br />
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it's walls are jagged and rough</div>
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there's no where to grab on<br />
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the air is thick with death and decay</div>
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I can barely breathe.<br />
It hurts.<br />
feels like hell<br />
<br />
____</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A soft whisper in the background says</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
stop thrashing, precious child<br />
relax and breathe</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
come deeper still my love<br />
fall into me<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm not finished with you yet.<br />
_____</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She releases me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
after what seems like eternity</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
gasping the glorious fresh air</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
once again<br />
grateful to be alive</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the familiar colors and textures of </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the dense world I've tolerated</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
become brighter, friendlier<br />
and more inviting<br />
<br />
i cautiously welcome<br />
this reprieve from the grip<br />
of death<br />
and yet something knows that around<br />
the corner looms the next round<br />
of annihilation<br />
____</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'd like to think that with each plunge</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
there's a little more grace<br />
a little less thrashing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but perhaps that's not true at all</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
perhaps she's teaching me to let go</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and to be messy again</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to get comfortable with the discomfort<br />
of feeling everything<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I know in my heart of hearts<br />
I am being shown<br />
the way to re-discover<br />
the gems which I seemed to have lost<br />
unshakeable TRUTH<br />
unconditional LOVE<br />
and true everlasting PEACE</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My soul asked for this</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The darkness pulls me in again and again<br />
heels dug deep<br />
willingly</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to humble this raging ego</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and rip this heart open wide</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so that I may live like I was born to live...</div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Fearless, Wild, and Free! </span></h2>
<div>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-35423650437789827992016-04-23T07:47:00.004-07:002016-04-25T10:51:24.684-07:00Somebody<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9HM6tQld9QpGzN1qcjDtzmPagncU5z8x-LvpL6FOgfEeQknydaLQYsCf7ZPeoG4HnCMndoroGPGJOW_h4iKQ4gJqbEONZuDmI5Ptc6DhYDackm7o-kz1g6uG8aB51dOMR84Wu3ESM6s/s1600/Transparent+Trista.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9HM6tQld9QpGzN1qcjDtzmPagncU5z8x-LvpL6FOgfEeQknydaLQYsCf7ZPeoG4HnCMndoroGPGJOW_h4iKQ4gJqbEONZuDmI5Ptc6DhYDackm7o-kz1g6uG8aB51dOMR84Wu3ESM6s/s320/Transparent+Trista.jpg" width="312" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I don't know</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
who I am</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
any more:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a writer,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
an activist</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a lover of Truth?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I used to take pictures</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and I was good at it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I called myself</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a photographer</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And once</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was a barista</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sligning espresso</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
like I'd been born for it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I showed promise</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of a powerful career</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as a film maker</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Imagining myself</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
on the red carpet</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
being photographed</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and receiving accolades</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
for helping to preserve</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
our precious wildlife</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There were dreams</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to be a business catalyst</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
moving forward fresh,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
eco-friendly entrepreneurs</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to help green the world</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and make money doing it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She badly wanted</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to be somebody</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Somebody who mattered</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Someone</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
wanted it so badly.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Who was that?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Now,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
slowly releasing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this burden</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of needing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to be</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
somebody.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it no longer fits</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it was never</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mine</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and it's been</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
too heavy</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
for too long.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-77688255147927351342016-03-14T15:00:00.000-07:002016-04-02T17:09:01.349-07:00Devaji, I think I'm infatuatedHawaii Retreat, March 2016 - Day 5 of 10<br />
<br />
There are 8 of us here from the Mt. Shasta group all staying together at Ruthie's beautiful property in Honoka'a, Big Island. We're here for the 10 day silent retreat with Devaji. Deva and his beautiful wife gifted me the plane ticket with their extra airline miles and Ruthie graciously offered the housing to me for free and it's like a dream come true. I wouldn't have been able to come otherwise because financially there's just enough to pay the bills right now.<br />
<br />
There are 5 of us staying in the bunk house which is a large 2 story building just across the driveway from the main house. The top floor is where we sleep. There's a screened large room with 6 single very comfy beds. It's beautifully designed with hardwood floors, Japanese Hawaiian decor, a full bathroom with stone tiled shower and sitting area and outdoor/indoor sitting area. There has been a lot of rain and it's been surprising cold for what my mind thought it would be.<br />
<br />
Currently I am sitting downstairs in the huge open aired kitchen with high ceilings and a whole wall open to the gorgeous view of the sloped grassy yard, super cute main house, and surrounding canopy of tropical trees. The rain has just lifted and there is a little bit of sunshine coming through. While listening to the birds and meditating, I can feel my mind tracking your (Devaji) whereabouts in the main house across the driveway where you are staying. I'm wishing that you'll come be with me.<br />
<br />
Over these past 5 days of the retreat and our group trips to the beach you've stopped me a hand full of times and showered me with your love and affection, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek turning me into a puddle. And each time I receive your love with the utter delight of a child. Because of this attention, there's a growing desire that has become quite strong to be near you as much as possible.<br />
<br />
There's a slight irritation with myself because I don't want to be obsessed, creep you out or be needy. I know you can probably feel me watching you and there's a fear I'm psychically taking your energy. As I sit there watching these ridiculous thoughts, you emerge from the main house. My heart skips a beat wondering if you're coming to see me. But you're not. We meet eyes as you climb the stairs to the bunk house looking for someone else and I am slightly disappointed. However, she's not up there and you come back down the stairs, shuffle your sandals across the cemented floor, stop in front of me and gaze into my eyes to say the words I'll never get sick of...<br />
<br />
"Do you know how much I love you?"<br />
<br />
And this time I say "Yes, then you should sit down with me." You laugh a little, grab a chair and sit facing me. I meet your loving, clear eyes and suddenly hear myself saying, "I don't want to be infatuated with you Devaji but...I kind of am."<br />
<br />
You laugh a little and close your eyes to say in the voice that melts my heart. "It's okay...You know it's very normal when one falls into this relationship to feel that way. And it will continue to grow like that the more you open to my Love. It will get to a point where you won't be able to stand to be away from me for even a minute. And it will grow and grow until you begin to feel that there is actually no difference between you and me. You will start to know that I live inside of you and eventually you will come to feel that this is the most beautiful love affair your mind can't even imagine."<br />
<br />
And with those soft words of assurance the mind relaxes. There is permission for the little girl who never received the unconditional love she was always looking for to continue to receive it and allow her infatuation with her beloved teacher in all innocence and purity, knowing that this truly is the "pull of Self to Self" that is so often spoken about in Satsang.<br />
<br />
What I do know is that the addiction I have to Devaji is the true pull to my own heart back to itself. Because I can't see Truth clearly yet, it is showing up in my dream reflection in the form of a man who is a teacher who just loves me so much. This love he is showing me is a love I have for myself. Soon there will be clear seeing that the love I am seeking was always inside of me the whole time. Until then, I am utterly devoted to you!<br />
<br />
And then you say, "Do you know how beautiful you are?" and I say "Yes."<br />
I say Yes because in that moment I feel the purity of my heart and it's beautiful essence being reflected by you, a teacher who unconditionally Loves all who come to him with utterly inconceivable devotion. And in this moment I am the recipient of this Divine love that will continue to grow. It's almost too good to be true. The little girl inside is dancing with ecstatic joy!<br />
<br />Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2911167378774408893.post-65459160673813979462016-02-16T13:25:00.001-08:002016-02-16T15:10:59.528-08:00Shattering the Open Emotional Center : Emotional Retracing<br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-37f6700d-eab7-dce1-8034-2ef0892e6524"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">When one is on a Nutritional Balancing program, the body will go through something called retracing. The concept of retracing is that when our body starts to get everything it needs in the form of minerals, diet and detox protocols, it begins to heal itself. All the current and old issues in the body get addressed layer by layer. In retracing, the body will systematically go through the body and heal any old infections, injuries, physical and emotional traumas. However, in order for these things to be healed, they must first resurface, sometimes even stronger than the first time. This is a blog about the recent emotional retracing I just experienced. It has to do with my open emotional center and taking on the pain and suffering of the whole world. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This concept of retracing is very similar to the concept I'm learning from my teacher, Devaji. In the spiritual enlightenment game, we call it burning. When we see an old pattern surface, by bearing witness to it with the light and love of consciousness it begins to burn. And what is it burning? It's burning away the false constructs that keep us blocked from seeing reality as it is; a beautiful, luminous, love drenched reflection of our own perfect SELF. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">In human design we call this shattering. Shattering our false beliefs about ourselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nothing new happens in the reflection we call our life. It may come in different costumes, but it's never new. Devaji teaches that everything that is painful in our dream is just cycled around for us to bring the light of awareness too it so we can set it free. Every situation that triggers us in anyway is a potential opportunity to bring the light of consciousness to it. When we see that the feeling is old and familiar and just be with it, not trying to change it, the more it will be seen through as just a construct which is blocking our view of the pure beauty and light of reality. Every single thing in our dream is designed to carry us home, there are no exceptions to this rule. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These past few days what cycled around for me was the chaos and sadness from my childhood. (Chiron is exactly opposite my natal Venus)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">My roommate came into my room a few days ago and told me she’s going to get her son, who’s 18 years old, relapsing on heroine and is struggling to keep it together. He lives about 4 hours away. She found a Christian based program for young adult addicts, that's a year long and is totally free, but it takes a few months to get processed and get placed. In the meantime he may need to stay here. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">She's been in a pattern of rescuing him as best she can for a few years now. A pattern she can't seem to break. It's depleted her enormously but she's handling it like a champ. There’s been a back and forth over the last few months of him being kind of okay using the Suboxone to stave off his addiction, and then everything falling apart and him losing control again. There's an urgency of getting out of the place he''s living because there’s danger; maybe he owes someone drug money. There were people pounding on his door one night, we're not sure what kind of trouble he's in but it sounds scary. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">She was going to bring him back here and said he'd have to go cold turkey. The idea of having him detoxing here made me really uncomfortable. Being familiar with drug addiction I know how difficult it is to stop, and although not from personal experience, I can imagine withdrawals from heroine are intense. It seems too much for her to handle on her own, he needs professional help. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">This chaotic situation in my "dream"; the uncertainty of his fragile future, the unbearable sadness of drug addiction to begin with, feeling the familiar darkness that he must be swimming in, all came flooding into my system. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I went to the Public Satsang with Devaji that day, by the end of it, the emotions had bubbled to the surface. I had a good cry to release the energy while grocery shopping and after in my car.</span><br />
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Later I came home and called Devaji to ask him for support around this. He asked me if this feeling of chaos was present in my childhood. Absolutely it was, but not in such an obvious way. I was raised in a typical American family that shoves the uncomfortable things under the rug and acts like everything is just fine. If you asked my sister she still claims we had a glorious childhood and our parents were nearly perfect. Even though she's the Projector and she probably absorbed just as much or more than I did. Unfortunately, she's still numbed to it all and is living life as if everything is still "fine". </span></span></span><br />
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">My parents in their defence were good, loving parents. An outsider looking in probably would've seen our family as a healthy one. But here's the blessed curse of being Plutonian in the deepest way (Pluto conjunct Sun and Rahu). I knew from coming out of the shoot, everything wasn't fine! My parents went through the most traumatic thing anyone can possibly imagine. They lost their 1st child in a tragic accident. He was only 3 years old. Playing superman with a friend at a neighbors house, his cape got too close to the furnace and caught on fire. Not knowing what to do he ran home for Mommy. And my poor Mom. Can you imagine coming outside to see your 3 year old on fire. She had to roll him on the grass to put the fire out. After being rushed to the hospital with 3rd degree burns all over his body, he slipped into a coma. After a month of uncertainty of his fate, a nurse accidentally stuck the tracheotomy tube down the wrong hole and it killed him. This story is like every parent's worst nightmare. They went through marriage counseling and mourned his loss. But my Dad didn't get the chance to really process this event and his broken heart was never fully mended. He didn't know how to express his emotions and they seethed inside him manifesting in eventual cancer. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">After a tragedy like that, everything isn't fine! About 6 months after the tragedy happened, my Mom was pregnant with me. The strong undercurrent of sadness seeping through the amniotic fluid while I was in the womb. And I came into the world with my bright light ready to shine. There was an immediate projection from them that I would transform this sadness and be the brightest star</span>. <span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">And try as I did, unconsciously thinking it was my job to make everyone feel better with my Open Emotional Center, I couldn't take on something this big. Taking this task on as a child feels like a big cause for my Adrenal Fatigue that I'm still healing today at 38 years old. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even my friggin name, Trista, in Latin it means "One who had a sorrow all her own until she smiled." But eventually just my smile couldn't erase the pain. Living in this soup of sadness, confusion and the helplessness of being able to heal my parents pain came up for review a few days ago. Triggered by the situation with my roommate and her son. This feeling of helplessness to be able to do anything about it is the crushing part. The fatigue in the body is a painful gift which reminds me of the truth of the situation. It's not my job to fix anyone or make the bad feelings go away. All I can do is be with this and trust that God knows exactly what he's doing. Her son will find salvation no matter what happens. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Devaji in his divine wisdom gave me the guidance to just hold a space of love and stillness for these old familiar emotions to pass through. And so that's what I did, and they passed. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Letting go a little more as life continues teaching me how to live it. Accepting these uncomfortable emotions is all part of the play. Contrary to what I might have wanted it to be, life isn't just a bowl of cherries. The sweetness isn't just in the happy times. There is incredible wisdom in the darkness if we can sit with it long enough. That I am designed to be a servant of darkness is becoming more apparent. </span>Hamsa Devihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11399390244694338523noreply@blogger.com0