Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

2 weeks after I self administered Iboga and experienced death, I was happy to hear that a couple who opened a healing Temple in Iquitos, Peru and were trained shaman were coming to town for a 2 day ayahuasca retreat. It was going to be an intimate setting with just a handful of people in a beautiful home, just the type of style and situation I prefer. I immediately signed up. The first night of this journey was the one of the most difficult nights of my life (I've had a lot of those now). Within 5 minutes of drinking the tea I was puking it up. I thought that meant I wouldn't feel it very much, and I was very wrong. The medicine hit me like a train wreck hitting hard and intense. All thoughts became emotionalized so everything she showed me had so much energy behind it. I saw and faced some of my demons and biggest fears, just what I've been asking for. One of the images that sticks out is of a finger rubbing a nipple, for some reason I was repulsed by it. I then was sh...

This round of Iboga was done at a friends home. I didn't' take enough to be a flood dose and this was not fun. I was shown death, emptiness, non existence to the core. It was horrible, the only thing that existed there was an awareness of an incredible fear. No form, no shape, color, size, or any characteristics, just floating in oblivion, silence, pure awareness, nothing to grab onto, scary as shit. I didn't think I could survive it, there wasn't a strong motivation to fight it or go with it. No desire existed there. All the while the body was restless, tossing here and there, moving rooms, trying desperately to just sleep and let it all go away. Even 36 hours after I ingested only about 8 grams of root bark, I'm still feeling this anxiety about the experience of nothingness, it felt like where we actually come from and where we'll go. The body has been shocked and a current of energy pulses through me, not letting me sit still or sleep. Listening to some kun...