Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

The open G center is the white diamond in the middle of the chart.  If you have an open G Center (if it's white in your chart), your mind will play out the story that you must find your purpose, otherwise your life will have no meaning. It can also play out as a story that you must find the love of your life. If you want to know whether you have it, get your free chart  here. There is a feeling of gentle, sustained energy arising in my body again after so many years of being exhausted, confused and lost. It's still coming and going depending on the day and what kind of detoxing is happening in my body. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for this energy and to have a focus again (Gate 52). Ra Uru Hu was right when he said that people who have Gate 52 and have no focus are depressed. I was so depressed with no focus for many years. It looks like I will be starting a Nutritional Balancing business once I get my diploma in a couple weeks. This will allow me to coach peopl...

It is said in Human Design, if you have an open emotional center you take in and amplify the emotional waves of those around you. In my chart, my emotional center (or solar plexus) is completely white with no activations coming off of it or pointing towards it. It's taken me a long time to understand what this means in my life but I have finally realized that with this configuration I have taken on the emotions of everyone in my life for my entire life, amplified them and mistaken them as my own. I have literally been a sponge. This center in me is hardly white, a better description would be caked with mud and shit from all the conditioning I've taken in. Because I grew up in a family and in an environment where people weren't taught how to process and release their own emotions in a healthy way, and no one taught me how to let the emotional waves of the world pass through me, I basically took on everyone's raw emotions and thought they were mine. And this was extre...

2 weeks after I self administered Iboga and experienced death, I was happy to hear that a couple who opened a healing Temple in Iquitos, Peru and were trained shaman were coming to town for a 2 day ayahuasca retreat. It was going to be an intimate setting with just a handful of people in a beautiful home, just the type of style and situation I prefer. I immediately signed up. The first night of this journey was the one of the most difficult nights of my life (I've had a lot of those now). Within 5 minutes of drinking the tea I was puking it up. I thought that meant I wouldn't feel it very much, and I was very wrong. The medicine hit me like a train wreck hitting hard and intense. All thoughts became emotionalized so everything she showed me had so much energy behind it. I saw and faced some of my demons and biggest fears, just what I've been asking for. One of the images that sticks out is of a finger rubbing a nipple, for some reason I was repulsed by it. I then was sh...

"I've actually been feeling really good lately, very peaceful and still. I haven't had a spell of depression for a long time." Famous last words on skype last night with my dear friend in Toronto. The dark turbulent waves rolled in slowly this morning, first invading my vivid dark dreams in which my room mate kept changing things in the house so quickly I couldn't keep up, pushing down walls, changing my bed, cleaning and rearranging rooms. I finally collapsed and surrendered into a whirlpool of water floating below the cliffs on a piece of carpet, swirling around stoically while watching monsters overtake our house. And then I awoke with a heavy fatigue. I could've slept forever but instead I decided finally at 11am to see if some caffeine would cheer me up. Sitting at the coffee shop in 1 of the 2 comfy chairs, I am awkwardly close to the pretty lesbian girl sitting in the other chair playing on her computer. My sadness seems evidently palpable but...

I'm done searching. I have an open G Center. I'm not here to find my purpose. What a Relief!! I used to blame my parents for my depression. I blamed them for not giving me enough guidance throughout my childhood. I felt like I'd made lots of mistakes in my life. I was pissed they didn't give me more wisdom to live by, that they didn't do anything about my drugs and craziness in high school. That they didn't communicate with me more about sex. Other than my dad telling me when to be home and the rules with boys, they really didn't stop me from doing much, they played the ignorant card. Granted I was a really good liar. But they knew, oh they knew that I was getting into trouble. My mind got a hold of me at a very young age, all my open centers but especially my open G center were deeply conditioned by society. I think the most detrimental conditioning I had was that I was supposed to hurry up and choose something to be really good at and stick with it. My boy...