Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

Meeting my new beloved teacher Devaji and moving to Mt. Shasta all fell into place very auspiciously, it was true Destiny. It was also a good example of what it means to wait for the energy to initiate as a Manifestor and how splenic/ego authority works. When I wait for the energy, everything falls into place effortlessly and the change is fun. Pluto in Cap squaring my natal Rahu/Ketu conjunct Uranus in Aries - also I have Rahu/Pluto/Sun all around 15° Libra which was squaring Pluto ***T ransiting Pluto (death, rebirth and transformation) in Capricorn (my 6th house) was Squaring my natal Ketu or south node which represents my past lives. In addition Uranus  (planet of sudden change and enlightenment)   was opposite my Sun/Rahu/Pluto within 2 degrees. I found this information about it on an school of evolutionary astrology forum from Deva. " In the case of Pluto square the nodal axis the Soul has not fully developed the lessons reflected b y either of the nodes and so has...

"It is to face the collective fear of humanity that lies within the heart of every human’s DNA." 47.3 in detriment today!! Yikes - "A Self Oppression so energized it may prove irreversible and destructive." Oh how I know this gate so well. It's simultaneously the thorn in my foot and reason for existence. When I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I know it is this gate talking...no yelling at me "the world is an ugly place, people are nasty, I am bad, there is no hope". It tries to get the upper hand to make me give up on life, kneel down before it's power, and surrender to a mediocre existence trapped in the maia. Oh no, I will not bow down!! Luckily this gate is in an open center in my design, so it's not a constant pressure. But when the 47.3 does rear it's ugly head, I become physically unsettled, antsy, unsure of myself, not sure what to do or where to go, and not as trusting in people or the world. I tend to smoke...

I CHOOSE YOU patiently you wait loving me right here allowing me to be as I am tenderly giving where I am able to receive never expecting, never demanding I always sensed you were there through the pain and darkness watching and loving unconditionally revealing yourself slowly you call me deeper with each conscious breath and I begin to discover your mystery crumbling the facade of armor once set firmly around my heart this tortured soul breaks free splitting me wide open to the perfection of all that is now I see clearly while searching the world for true love you were there the whole time patiently waiting for me to turn around and see my SELF is what I seek I flutter back and land by my side so grateful because I finally found you I AM HOME

"I've actually been feeling really good lately, very peaceful and still. I haven't had a spell of depression for a long time." Famous last words on skype last night with my dear friend in Toronto. The dark turbulent waves rolled in slowly this morning, first invading my vivid dark dreams in which my room mate kept changing things in the house so quickly I couldn't keep up, pushing down walls, changing my bed, cleaning and rearranging rooms. I finally collapsed and surrendered into a whirlpool of water floating below the cliffs on a piece of carpet, swirling around stoically while watching monsters overtake our house. And then I awoke with a heavy fatigue. I could've slept forever but instead I decided finally at 11am to see if some caffeine would cheer me up. Sitting at the coffee shop in 1 of the 2 comfy chairs, I am awkwardly close to the pretty lesbian girl sitting in the other chair playing on her computer. My sadness seems evidently palpable but...

A dear Projector friend introduced me to Human Design the other day (2/5/2010) very non-nonchalantly. We were at her computer and she showed me my chart, we listened to the audio of Ra Uru Hu's definition of a Manifestor. It was interesting but I kind of shrugged it off as another one of those new age things, having no idea how much it would impact my life. Then I came home and began to get more curious. Something made me look deeper. It was when I read about what it meant to be a 6/2 that I really got into it. You see, I am 32 and in a state of retreat from the world, which corresponds exactly to the 6/2 profile. I have begun to be very hermitty, really not wanting to do much, get stimulated by much, not be out in the world where I'm sensitive to other people's negative energy. Most people out there are so stuck in the matrix, just playing the game, so wrapped up in meaningless pursuits, and so unaware of themselves and it's just not a comforting place for me to ...