Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

Meeting my new beloved teacher Devaji and moving to Mt. Shasta all fell into place very auspiciously, it was true Destiny. It was also a good example of what it means to wait for the energy to initiate as a Manifestor and how splenic/ego authority works. When I wait for the energy, everything falls into place effortlessly and the change is fun. Pluto in Cap squaring my natal Rahu/Ketu conjunct Uranus in Aries - also I have Rahu/Pluto/Sun all around 15° Libra which was squaring Pluto ***T ransiting Pluto (death, rebirth and transformation) in Capricorn (my 6th house) was Squaring my natal Ketu or south node which represents my past lives. In addition Uranus  (planet of sudden change and enlightenment)   was opposite my Sun/Rahu/Pluto within 2 degrees. I found this information about it on an school of evolutionary astrology forum from Deva. " In the case of Pluto square the nodal axis the Soul has not fully developed the lessons reflected b y either of the nodes and so has...

The silence and Satsangs with Devaji are intense. We have 2 Satsangs per day, one in the morning and one in the evening. We sit in silence for 75 minutes before the morning session and 50 min before the evening session.  At first the silence pulled me in so deep and I was shown so clearly how everything this character goes through is happening in a background of stillness. For the first time, while this body was going through a big detox and felt extremely fatigued, I was able to recognize and find relief in that which is never touched by whatever the body is going through. Even though I felt like shit physically and mentally, sinking into the stillness brought gaps of extreme peace. What a gift! After day 5 the fatigue lifted. One thing Deva talks about often is that everything is being orchestrated perfectly for our awakening. I'm experiencing this more and more.  During one meditation around Day 6 it felt like a mini Ayahuasca journey where the b...

You Are... pure vibrant potential radiating throughout everyone and everything originating at your own heart Can you feel yourself? You Are... closer than your own breath more intimate than the feeling of your body and you've never even for a second left yourself You Are... everywhere, every when and everything you've never died and never were born you've always been right here, right now weaving the fabric of your own universe with threads made from LOVE You are... this vast open space empty, silent, still yet full of mystery and wordless beauty You silently watch your life unfold enjoying every single second of your very own creation no matter how dark or chaotic it may seem Silly you.. Why did you forget yourself, contracting into a tiny little person who suffers, desires and craves things that come and go? Oh yes, you wanted to play the game of life that you may experience every single thing there is to experience dark and li...

An honest update from the adrenal fatigue healing trenches. I'm 9 months into the Nutritional Balancing Program and it's been a very difficult last few months as I am going through a serious heavy metal detox, extreme fatigue, depression, brain fog, gas, spaciness, dandruff, and emptiness. The good news is that I'm dumping heavy metals and parasites and my skin looks great! Somehow I managed to pull it together enough to make this jumbled vlog (honestly I cheated and had a double Americano this morning) where I share a little about my adrenal fatigue and depression story and background, how I used the plant medicine Ayahuasca for healing depression and drug addictions, and then discuss how my debilitating adrenal fatigue has fueled a deep spiritual journey into the ultimate self inquiry, "Who am I?"

This growing love in my heart for my new teacher, Devaji (a 5/1 Generator) has taken me by surprise. I've never felt so safe with a male teacher before. His love and devotion to his students is unbounded and completely unconditional. I am so honored and in complete gratitude for this surprising turn of events in my life. I professed my excitement for meeting him and wanting to move to Shasta to be with him in front of the group at the retreat this week. Locked in his timeless gaze of eternity he expressed back to me what was in my heart, that he had a growing love for me and saw that something was opening in me. It has become very clear after this 2nd retreat with him that there is nothing, absolutely nothing more important than ultimate liberation for this character. And Devaji has appeared in my life to guide me all the way Home. I have no idea financially how things will work out, however I know I will be supported. Previous to Devaji appearing in my life, I had actually g...

2 days after my 3 day silent retreat in Mount Shasta with my new teacher Devaji and the realization of what I really am is sinking into the heart of this being. His transmission of Truth is so firm, so powerful, unwavering and extremely transformative, no one can escape untouched. Sitting in the chair across from this fully awakened being while looking into his eyes, the student is drawn into a force field of consciousness so powerful that the busyness of the mind falls away. You may forget your name, what you came up there to ask and how to speak the words but none of that matters. That's not what you're there for. Your breath deepens and you are pulled into his vortex of peace. Once I ask him my question about the role of Shamanism and Non-Dualit y, his words penetrate straight through my heart and I forget them as soon as they are spoken. He conveys to me what I already knew deep inside. I needed to hear it from someone I respected. All phenomenon in the dream worlds of ...

When I saw a Shamanic Meetup group in my area with a woman who was going to lead a past life regression, I knew that this event was for me. I had never done one before and was curious about trying it. In hindsight, there was a clarity in the decision to attend this event that only comes when something is perfect for me. (6/2 up on my roof) It was definitely a splenic hit.  I've had an increasing interest in Shamanic work since I got back from the  Temple  in Peru where I did a 12 day Ayahuasca retreat in January. I don't necessarily want to be a Shaman, I'm just getting more interested in learning how to navigate the dream space so I'm more comfortable in it. There's been some frustration around the fact that I don't have a lot of visions when I journey with medicine. I have also come into a lot of fear. Part of this fear is because I'm being opened up to subtle energies of the spirit world and I don't feel equipped to protect myself against th...

I made it back alive! So happy to be out of the jungle. Here's a little splat from my 7 Ayahuasca journeys in Peru at the Temple of the Way of Light. Calling my experiences intense would be an understatement. In my 2nd ceremony, I was telepathically told by the Maestro’s and Mama Aya that “we are teaching you the language of the heart.” Little did I know that to learn this new language meant I must face my greatest fears. When they introduced themselves the 5 Shaman which we called Maestro’s and Maestra’s addressed us as “passajeros” which means passengers. Truly we were were all passengers on what was to be an incredibly wild ride. My mantra for the first few nights was LOVE and SURRENDER, over and over. I was nervous as usual and for good reason. In my 2nd journey, I was brought the edge of life and death. Ayahuasca heightens your sensitivity so every sound, thought and sensation is felt approximately 20x more intensely than usual. My mind desperately tries to ke...