Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

Day 4 of a 7 day retreat with Devaji: Sinking deeper into the silence,. During both Satsangs today, the entire Sangha is bathed in this rich, loving silence. We all bask in it for a long time after Devaji ends the session. It feels inviting and I am able to avoid coming home from the afternoon session and immediately turning to technology. Instead the body and mind is significantly slowed down, wanting to nurture the stillness and turn within. A slight headache has developed since the morning. Not yet aware that this is the grief wanting to surface. Around 7pm after cleaning, I am already tired, the pressure in the head is stronger. The body sits down on the bed and gazes out the window, the third eye pulses and tingles.  I watch the mechanical thoughts swirl around attempting to grab attention and often successfully doing so. But the love is there and the presence is strong. I doze off to sleep and wake to see the sun is setting. It's only 8pm but I decide to climb under the...

When I moved to Mt Shasta last year in August 2015 to be with Devaji and the Sangha, I had this wild fantasy that I kind of knew what enlightenment was and what it took. With all the work I felt had done already to clear away the darkness, I naively thought, it would only be a matter of months maybe a few short years before I was free. Haha, what a joke. I really thought I had made significant progress towards liberation in my 5 years of being an avid seeker. And honestly, I feel I have done some good work and have taken steps in the right direction. But, what I learned over the past year is that I actually know nothing and I am just a baby in this process. I’ve been deeply humbled and have come to a place of acceptance about how little I know about the emotional intelligence of being human and also how steadfast one must be in this journey to liberation. 5 years of soul searching and working with ayahuasca and I really felt like I made a big dent into some big darkness that kept...