March 15th, 2013 - Iboga Round 1 Another Glimpse

The unmistakeable feeling of just being, full body awareness,

An attempt to describe the effects my first Iboga Journey:
Since my iboga journey last month, I have yet to write about my experience because truly it was so multi-faceted that I don't know how to begin. but as i sit here reflecting on the days i was at the iboga house, there emerged a theme for the entire journey. That theme was learning and practicing how to "just be" on a new level for myself.  By the time I left my 8 day stay at the treatment center, I was grounded in "being". What the heck does that mean anyways? I will do my best to describe it.

It was a very lovely and intense discussion I had with Joel, the house manager at iboga house, 22 hours into my 2nd journey on the 7th day, about the nature of reality and what it means to be awake. Joel had read many books on the topic and studied in detail and was also an avid astrologer so we had a lot of common interests to discuss. I was feeling particularly relaxed and chatty and really wanting to connect and talk with people. Joel had just returned from Gabon from his initiation ceremony with Moughenda and the Bwiti Tribe. The whole crew had just returned and everyone had a very bright, very calm and content aura energy them even though they had just trekked through the muddy jungle with millions of mosquito bites to visit the (little people tribe)

during this very stimulating and deep conversation with Joel at the dining room table of the guest house, my mind was sharp and observant. it was talking to me as usual, commenting on useful and not so useful things, and it was actually quite loud. that's one thing iboga does for most people, is it makes your mind chatter louder so you can analyze it and hear what it is more clearly. It shows you the automatic tapes that run cyclically through your head.

the interesting part about it was that even during the mental chatter, my body was comfortably seated in the chair one foot resting on the seat and the other dangling down while my toes played with the cool white tiled floor. there was a smile within, and a strong knowing or grocking that whatever was going on in my mind and in the conversation was actually secondary to the background of silent full potential awareness that i was drawn into. nothing needed to happen or be said for me to feel differently. i wasn't trying to escape any feelings or thoughts by grabbing for something. i didn't have to say or be or do anything. it was enough to just be.

as we talked, my aura took it all in, there was expansiveness, a deep rest and sense of security like a warm blanket enticing me to stay in the present moment. there was awareness and appreciation of every breath, my eyes wandered back and forth from Joel to the tropical view outside the window with colorful flowers, palm trees, and birds singing, to the white walls and curtains that had geckos climbing on them. all the while there was this intense and keen awareness of everything around me, the "I" was able to have a perfectly coherent and intelligent conversation with another person. I could also sense what was going on with Joel during the ebb and flow of topics, emotions, and thoughts, riding both of our mind's waves of acceptance and rejection, criticism and encouragement, attraction and repulsion, confusion and clarity, attempt to be right about what it knew, it was all still there, the mind's tendency to size someone up and make conclusions about them, labeling them this or that. the mind was happily commenting away and in the background I was perfectly fine with all of it.