March 12th, 2013 - Iboga Round 1 & 2

How to put words to the most profound incredible experience of my life. I’m struggling but I want to try. Iboga has reconnected me with my soul, cleared out the demons of the mind and body, and I am no longer craving for substances. (update; this lasted only a few weeks except for ciggarettes which I have never smoked again). I feel better than I have since I can remember. It’s still working on me and I am having waves of realization.

My first journey, among many other things, showed me the interconnectedness of all things. It was towards the end of the night about 10 hours into our flood and I opened my eyes to look out at the sky and trees, light was just beginning to illuminate the sky. Everything around me was imbued with the same awareness and divinity as the eyes looking out at it, My eyes. The eye of god was in everything I saw and I was also the eye of god. Reality bubbled over in a continuous outpouring of god’s creating. The trees and sky were breathing just as I was. We were all blessed with the gift of life, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of comfort from the wonder of simply being.  Earlier in the journey I played a scene over and over again, it was a birds eye view of when I met Ry. I would see both of us weaving our way through the park, me chasing the dog and him playing Frisbee. And then the lines would swerve and when we met in the forest, it was like two force fields coming together and big shock wave was sent out.

My 2^nd journey was very different than the first. The entire time in my visions I had a huge smile on my face. Everything was fun, I was skipping through many different lifetimes, joining all kinds of people for brief moments at a time, sometimes my family and friends, sometimes people I’ve never seen before. My “job” it seemed was to bring my smile wherever I went and add more light to the scene simply by just being there. I was able to say goodbye to everyone so easily because I understood existence on the grander scheme. The truth was that I will have and have had many lifetimes, and all are just an opportunity for my soul to experience itself in different ways. My soul is perfectly content and actually happy no matter what is going on. But it’s true drive is to experience life through joy.

Now I can see and feel that what was driving me to make decisions was my ego mind. I was cut off from the voice of my soul from all the toxins I had accumulated in my body. It’s almost like I was possessed. I’m just going to say that was it because there was such a strong force inside me that I couldn’t stop and it was contributing to my sorrow, misery and self-destruction. It wanted me to stay disconnected and to remain in darkness. And the more substances I ingested the more powerful it was. I feel that Iboga was my saving grace, it would’ve taken years of kundalini and doing cleansing to clear out as much stuff as I did in 8 days. And because the dark entities were so powerful in me, influencing me to make unhealthy decisions and be lazy, I would not have been able to do the things necessary to get back on track.  I feel like I’ve recovered my will power, when I wake up in the morning these past few days I have wanted to do yoga, or go running, instead of just grab for coffee. Don’t get me wrong, coffee still sounds good, I know how it tastes good and makes me feel up. But the negative consequences are much greater than the benefits and now I’m empowered to make that smart choice.