Healing your Ancestral Lineage


My ancestors came this morning as a cathedral of trees dancing in the wind. Waking up with a familiar heaviness, body still weak and exhausted after 10 hours of sleep, the mind wonders how much longer I have to endure this purging and healing process to be free.

I get up, go pee and just sit in the chair of my friend’s bedroom where I'm staying and look out the sliding glass doors. I close my eyes, go within and find out what's under this pain. Time to burn!

It's not easy to sit with the onslaught of body intensity, but I remind myself to turn back, again and again to what never changes, to what is unaffected by all of this. The awareness goes back and forth from the stillness of the heart to the discomfort of body/mind. The pain in my heart grows more intense and my attention goes to it. It becomes more clear, this is not about trying to quiet anything down and escape to the absolute, this is time to meet this thing.

I remember what my therapist Randy Hold​ taught me in our 2 sessions together and begin to speak out loud to the trapped frozen child inside my chest.

“Come dear one, you are welcome here. Thank you for being here. I just love you.”

Placing one hand on my chest and one on my forehead, I send the body light and hold myself in the space of love that I have discovered I am. My little one inside is beckoning me through these body sensations and I am calling her forth.

I stay and welcome the dark thoughts, the contraction in the body, and the hopeless emotions that come with the package. They consume the entire screen of my awareness. There is nothing between me and them now. It is just this.

Rocking her back and forth, I let her know out loud, “Anyone who went through what you went through would feel the same way. I love you so much. Thank you for protecting me.”

She slowly opens. I feel her deep sense of vulnerability, the confusion of not knowing how or why to survive, her feeling of being shattered, and her anger at being abandoned by God so early on in this life. All of this and more pours forth and I just hold her and rock her like a baby. The energy releases as tears at first, then it escalates to wailing, screaming and thrashing. The release feels really good.

After some time of this release, the sheepskin and meditation cushion on the floor beckon me. I sit on the cushion, snot nosed and teary eyed, heart cracked open. My eyes are drawn up outside the sliding glass doors and take in the most beautiful sight I have ever felt. A cathedral of pine trees dancing in the wind looking down upon me with pure love. They feel like home.

There is a recognition. I am feeling these trees like I’ve never felt before. I am seeing them through my heart. It’s so obvious, they aren’t just trees, they are beautiful, wise, loving beings here to shower me with gratitude and love.

My heart blasts open more as I feel this wave of love and connection with these ancient blissful beings. The depth of this connection with them brings laughter and tears as I am blown away by how much I can feel them inside of me. Waves of gratitude and support circle from my heart to theirs. We are in true communion. They are my ancestral family.

And their message becomes clear.

“Keep going true heart! We are here for you now and have always been. This sacred work you are doing is for all of us. It will free you and your ancestral lineage. We are here holding you and cheering you on! ”

Another gust of wind blows through and we all dance with delight through our entire being. It feels like applause and celebration and my face begins streaming with tears of joy. This precious beautiful heart is coming to life and its such a gift! To feel the totality of life through the heart, this is the most precious gift and it makes it all so worth it.

The pain in the chest is now gone and the fatigue begins to slowly lift.

Just another day's work on this incredible journey Home! The most insane and beautiful journey a human being can take.

02/12/19 - Mars conjunct Uranus in Aries

Thank you to my friend and hypnotherapist Randy Hold for teaching me these powerful tools to heal childhood trauma and ancestral karma. And thank you to Devaji and Sangha for holding me in unconditional love, guiding the way home, being my role models, and triggering everything yet to be met.

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