Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

Gate 34.5 - The Power of the Great , "the energy and fuel for survival" "Co-creating is in fact the essence of spiritual adulthood; it is the exercise of choice and the acceptance of our responsibility for those choices. Managing our power of choice is the Divine challenge, the sacred contract we are here to fulfill. It begins with choosing what our thoughts and attitudes will be. " Caroline Myss   Gate 34.5 is in transit today and it just happens that I am reading Caroline Myss, the medical intuitive who talks about all disease and it's relation to Power. Coincidence, No. Programming of the Maia - Yes. I have been ailed with a chronic bladder infection for 2 and half years now and it feels I am ready to get to the bottom of things. Today, I have been exploring what Power means to me and what or who I have given my power over to that has got me to this point of a chronic condition. There are many ways I have learned to give up my power. When I drink...

It is said in Human Design, if you have an open emotional center you take in and amplify the emotional waves of those around you. In my chart, my emotional center (or solar plexus) is completely white with no activations coming off of it or pointing towards it. It's taken me a long time to understand what this means in my life but I have finally realized that with this configuration I have taken on the emotions of everyone in my life for my entire life, amplified them and mistaken them as my own. I have literally been a sponge. This center in me is hardly white, a better description would be caked with mud and shit from all the conditioning I've taken in. Because I grew up in a family and in an environment where people weren't taught how to process and release their own emotions in a healthy way, and no one taught me how to let the emotional waves of the world pass through me, I basically took on everyone's raw emotions and thought they were mine. And this was extre...

2 weeks after I self administered Iboga and experienced death, I was happy to hear that a couple who opened a healing Temple in Iquitos, Peru and were trained shaman were coming to town for a 2 day ayahuasca retreat. It was going to be an intimate setting with just a handful of people in a beautiful home, just the type of style and situation I prefer. I immediately signed up. The first night of this journey was the one of the most difficult nights of my life (I've had a lot of those now). Within 5 minutes of drinking the tea I was puking it up. I thought that meant I wouldn't feel it very much, and I was very wrong. The medicine hit me like a train wreck hitting hard and intense. All thoughts became emotionalized so everything she showed me had so much energy behind it. I saw and faced some of my demons and biggest fears, just what I've been asking for. One of the images that sticks out is of a finger rubbing a nipple, for some reason I was repulsed by it. I then was sh...

This round of Iboga was done at a friends home. I didn't' take enough to be a flood dose and this was not fun. I was shown death, emptiness, non existence to the core. It was horrible, the only thing that existed there was an awareness of an incredible fear. No form, no shape, color, size, or any characteristics, just floating in oblivion, silence, pure awareness, nothing to grab onto, scary as shit. I didn't think I could survive it, there wasn't a strong motivation to fight it or go with it. No desire existed there. All the while the body was restless, tossing here and there, moving rooms, trying desperately to just sleep and let it all go away. Even 36 hours after I ingested only about 8 grams of root bark, I'm still feeling this anxiety about the experience of nothingness, it felt like where we actually come from and where we'll go. The body has been shocked and a current of energy pulses through me, not letting me sit still or sleep. Listening to some kun...

The unmistakeable feeling of just being, full body awareness, An attempt to describe the effects my first Iboga Journey: Since my iboga journey last month, I have yet to write about my experience because truly it was so multi-faceted that I don't know how to begin. but as i sit here reflecting on the days i was at the iboga house, there emerged a theme for the entire journey. That theme was learning and practicing how to "just be" on a new level for myself.  By the time I left my 8 day stay at the treatment center, I was grounded in "being". What the heck does that mean anyways? I will do my best to describe it. It was a very lovely and intense discussion I had with Joel, the house manager at iboga house, 22 hours into my 2nd journey on the 7th day, about the nature of reality and what it means to be awake. Joel had read many books on the topic and studied in detail and was also an avid astrologer so we had a lot of common interests to discuss. I was feeli...

How to put words to the most profound incredible experience of my life. I’m struggling but I want to try. Iboga has reconnected me with my soul, cleared out the demons of the mind and body, and I am no longer craving for substances. (update; this lasted only a few weeks except for ciggarettes which I have never smoked again). I feel better than I have since I can remember. It’s still working on me and I am having waves of realization. My first journey, among many other things, showed me the interconnectedness of all things. It was towards the end of the night about 10 hours into our flood and I opened my eyes to look out at the sky and trees, light was just beginning to illuminate the sky. Everything around me was imbued with the same awareness and divinity as the eyes looking out at it, My eyes. The eye of god was in everything I saw and I was also the eye of god. Reality bubbled over in a continuous outpouring of god’s creating. The trees and sky were breathing just as I was. We w...