Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

Eclipse at 27° Taurus in Gate 8  Here are some flavors of this eclipse from the Gene Key and Human Design perspective. Eclipses are when a new moon or full moon is conjunct the nodal axis. The nodes travel through each sign for about 18 months and point to the themes of evolution that are playing on a collective and personal level. A Lunar Eclipse is like a full moon on steroids bringing culminations, endings and activations that can bring big changes in our lives whether we are ready for them or not. It can be quite emotional as letting go of the past and stepping out of our comfort zone is never easy so be extra gentle on yourself as the body and mind can be releasing a lot of old energy in the form of pain, anxiety, fear etc. Mars in Scorpio is opposite Uranus in this eclipse mix. This is a classic signature that brings earth shaking events, secrets or news to the surface (literally and metaphorically). This could be news about money and the financial system or supply chain as w...

What does it mean to be a sovereign being when there is no such thing as a chooser or do-oer?  After a powerful shamanic hypnotherapy session with Randy Hold where he helped me establish for myself that I am a sovereign being , I found myself pondering what this actually means this morning in meditation. This is the answer that came through from myself for myself. And perhaps for you. One - with - my - Self Connecting to and aligned with an inner authority that is informing the life. This quiet voice inside is what many call intuition. It is an umbilical cord of light which connects your multidimensional self. It reaches down from Source into your soul through the 7 bodies of your human form and straight into your human heart. It is the only navigation system that you need and it is crucial that you strengthen this inner authority as we move forward into these chaotic times on the planet. Those who do not have this alignment with their inner navigation system will spin further into...

She is learning to welcome herself back Home fully with the divine guidance of the dear ones. Welcoming in parts of herself that have been ignored and neglected for many lifetimes. She hones in on the ability to stop and tune in to this abandoned "little one" inside as the clarity of the mechanics of karma is revealed. As the fractured ego is welcomed in and seen, heard and felt more than ever before, the dense energy trapped in the vehicle is transmuted and the heart is opened. With each cycle of contraction; collapse of the body, confusion in the mind, pain in the heart, the gap of time between the trigger "out there" and the recognition that there is no such thing as out there gets shorter. The trigger is simply the little one wanting to be seen, heard and felt and when she is given attention, she can begin to relax.   We are becoming master alchemists and it is Pure Grace. This tender innocence that is herself as a little one has been calling ...

Mars in Cancer is frozen in his tracks. Mars is the planet of action, the warrior who wants to forge ahead and win no matter what. In Cancer he is waylaid by the unfamiliar and heavy waters of emotions. He is overwhelmed and can’t seem to take action the way he thinks he should. He has repressed emotions and he doesn’t understand why they are there or what to do with them. There is deep fear that if he exposes his soft underbelly, it will surely lead to death, for himself and his family. And so he does everything he can to avoid these energies within. This memory of death is deep in his DNA from many lifetimes of having to “man up” and just “do it” because that is what he was taught. Being vulnerable has not served him in the past. Cancer rules the mother. It symbolizes the receptive divine feminine way of being, and it rules the Heart. Mars in Cancer is being asked by spirit to stop, to surrender and to learn how that feelings are a secret superpower. They are here to gui...

Trista - 6/2 Splenic Manifestor - 41 years old Today is the day I was initiated into human design 9 years ago in 2010 by John Martin. I haven't talked about it with anyone for a very long time as I realized part of the awakening process is letting go of every idea of who you think you are. But a few weeks ago, I ran into a woman in Tiruvannamalai, India who gave me a quick reading and re-ignited something inside. Besides reminding me and encouraging me to step into the full expression of this powerful aura I have, she told me to speak. She told me I'm here to bring spirituality to my tribe. That feels true, and there is so much more grounding in reality that needs to happen before I can be a teacher. A few days later my beloved came across another message from a random stranger who knew I had a mole on my breast in the exact place that it was, and he said to speak. And then a couple days ago a friend did a spontaneous healing on me with my de-ceased father and she remo...

My ancestors came this morning as a cathedral of trees dancing in the wind. Waking up with a familiar heaviness, body still weak and exhausted after 10 hours of sleep, the mind wonders how much longer I have to endure this purging and healing process to be free. I get up, go pee and just sit in the chair of my friend’s bedroom where I'm staying and look out the sliding glass doors. I close my eyes, go within and find out what's under this pain. Time to burn! It's not easy to sit with the onslaught of body intensity, but I remind myself to turn back, again and again to what never changes, to what is unaffected by all of this. The awareness goes back and forth from the stillness of the heart to the discomfort of body/mind. The pain in my heart grows more intense and my attention goes to it. It becomes more clear, this is not about trying to quiet anything down and escape to the absolute, this is time to meet this thing. I remember what my therapist Randy Hold​ taug...

This poem was inspired when Devaji played this recording of crickets slowed way down in satsang. It was so beautiful it brought me to tears. Dear God, Strip away this arrogant mind and all it's worldly desires fix my Gaze upon only You. Reduce me to nothing So that I may be  just a finely tuned instrument in your perfect cricket symphony.

Really feeling this Mercury direct in Leo, which happened 2 days ago. Mercury is communication and Leo is ruler of the heart. Witnessing such clear communication and heart sharing in my movie. Very sweet. Just came out of 7 day retreat. So many beings doing such deep work to free themselves. Such an honor to be in this sacred space with this family. A little bit deeper seeing into Truth... During one of our long breaks between Satsangs, I had been meditating many hours and got up to go pee. Looking in the mirror and seeing these eyes that looked back but there was just this vacant body with eyes, which had no life, but there I was, this awareness everywhere, watching this creature watch itself in the mirror. A few days later.. After more rooting in this feeling that never changes, this ever present awareness, there was a seeing that this whole matrix including Trista is a 5 dimensional digital projection. Laying in bed next to Arjuna, both of us just silent and meditating, ...

A Letter to my Beloved Baba More heart ripping intensity  As I'm dragged willingly on my knees through the birth canal  to new life and true eternal Love Feeling the immensity of this pain Of separation For myself and all humanity How deep does it go The body is immobilized with fatigue Day after day pushing me to the edges Of what I think I can bear Insanity is just around the corner And the numbing continues to wear off The Beloved desperately wants me back The pull into the silence continues to grow What else to do But feel the waves of everything Flow thru this immense and willing heart Surrendering to the Grace of What IS Waiting patiently For You This life has been nothing  but an offering to This As long as it take Precious one I will remain only yours Reply Forward

Epstein-Barr Virus can be brutal, I know because it's what I've been working with for the past 10 years, maybe more. It carried me through an 8 year Dark Night of the Soul where I faced many demons and core level fears. Self hatred, deep inadequacy, codependency, and many more ego issues were met and burned through. The darkness was so intense and so relentless at times, I almost gave up on life, yet something didn't let me. Something inside knew this experience was leading me somewhere my mind could not understand. What is clear now, is that taking away my energy and health was God's vehicle of pure love and light. It was a way for my ego to be purified and my personal will humbled into nothing. It's been the heroine's journey to return me back to my own purity and beautiful heart where true happiness lives. I hope this video will help others realize the gift of this condition, as hard as it can be, to trust that the gifts it will bring will be abundant and wel...

Counting down 4 days til I embark upon a 10 week pilgrimage to India. Excited and nervous. Some burning is inevitable, some fatigue is definite, emotional breakdowns are probable, some bliss is likely, but whatever will happen on this journey is welcomed. There is true faith in the fact that I am being guided in perfect timing to finally and completely let go of the separate "I" and be returned to the natural state of pure joy and love in every moment no matter what is happening in this movie. The end of all fear is near. I will be spending lots of time with the mountain called Arunachala where Ramana Maharishi the awakened master sat his entire life. He transmitted the Truth through mostly silence. He is the most revered teacher in India and I am so honored to be heading his way. Although my relationship with Ramana is not very intimate at this point, he did come to me in a shamanic journey a couple years back. With the soundtrack of some live drumming, I was guided...

There has been struggling with Chronic Fatigue and Epstein Barr Virus for as long as I can remember, at least 15 years, probably more. I didn't know for sure that it was EBV up until last month. It started to manifest many years ago as a deep depression and fatigue that just got progressively worse. When you have a life threatening illness, it's important to do what you can to heal the body. But what's more important is to heal the soul. Back in college 17 years ago, there were repeated dreams where I was so extremely tired that I would lay down on the floor in the middle of class and fall into a deep heavy sleep. These dreams were an omen of what was to come. EBV would cyclically strip me of all life force to the point of near death over and over again. This journey with Chronic Fatigue, Depression and EBV has taken me on such a profound spiritual quest that I actually wouldn't trade it for anything. It's been a forced deep dive into the heart of darkn...

**Update 12/28/2022 **Update 02/20/19 - I only lasted on my PHS experiment for about 2 weeks, it wasn't time yet to go this extreme. It may cycle again but not from a mental decision. Turns out my energy crashes are due to some early childhood trauma that has compromised my body in many ways. It is the greatest challenge and greatest gift of this life. If you are looking for some deeper answers to your chronic health issues, check out the written post on Chronic Fatigue and Spiritual Awakening. Or my video on my youtube channel. Good luck with your PHS experiment and much love on your journey home 07/17/2017 Today is Day 5 of my Indirect Light Touch eating experiment. Feeling good and it's been surprisingly easy to just drink liquids and munch on a few carrots during the day. (on a side note I am using Thrive with the DFT Duo patch which helps cut cravings tremendously, a huge reason it's been much easier this time around.) Night time comes and there's this e...

The ability to feel the incredible beauty and passion of life is directly related to your willingness to feel the pain of your character's particular piece of human suffering. O ur soul's have each chosen a burden which can seem insurmountable to overcome. Drug and alcohol addictions, a physical illness, depression, physical abuse in childhood, betrayal, mistrust in life and other people, feeling stuck, chronic poverty, abandonment by God, fear of dying, etc. It's all a gift from our Soul to lead us deeper into our hearts. The Beloved will do what it takes to bring you Home even if it means bringing you to unimaginable pain and suffering, even to the edge of death. It takes a simple heart felt intention to be free from whatever it is, the openness to be willing to change, and the courage to do the work. The more you sit with yourself and meet this aspect the more it will rise to the surface to be met. On it's way out it can feel so intense, like it will destroy ...

Your beautiful and brilliant SOUL is calling you home. Will you answer the call? To my friends who are feeling heavy emotions and calling out for something more in their life, I am feeling your tender heart, because I AM YOU. Listen to that voice inside you telling you something is missing, because if you have not yet discovered your own beauty within, there IS something missing. There IS another reality waiting for you, one of joy, passion, freedom, love, beauty and abundance. I’m here to tell you this reality is your birthright and it is POSSIBLE. In this time of the Kali Yuga, the darkest time in the turning of the ages, before the light returns and humanity ascends to the Golden Age once again, we must fight for our birthright with everything we have! You fighting for your TRUE happiness does matter!   This “something more” doesn’t have anything to do with tangible objects, you can’t buy it in a store, or wear it on your body, or get it from a partner. You can’t go ...