Friday, March 13, 2015

My 1st Past Life Regression Session - Theme Relationships

When I saw a Shamanic Meetup group in my area with a woman who was going to lead a past life regression, I knew that this event was for me. I had never done one before and was curious about trying it. In hindsight, there was a clarity in the decision to attend this event that only comes when something is perfect for me. (6/2 up on my roof) It was definitely a splenic hit. 

I've had an increasing interest in Shamanic work since I got back from the Temple in Peru where I did a 12 day Ayahuasca retreat in January. I don't necessarily want to be a Shaman, I'm just getting more interested in learning how to navigate the dream space so I'm more comfortable in it. There's been some frustration around the fact that I don't have a lot of visions when I journey with medicine. I have also come into a lot of fear. Part of this fear is because I'm being opened up to subtle energies of the spirit world and I don't feel equipped to protect myself against the negative entities because I've never learned how to do this. Most of my Ayahusaca journey's have been a lot of confusion and jumbled messages, quick images, dying into the void of non-existence, and my mind just really messing with me. By exercising my subconscious mind through Shamanic work I can enhance the clarity of my experiences in the dream space. My intention is gain more access to my subconscious and overcome my fear of the spirit world. I'd also like to activate my creativity and current life skills more powerfully and doing Shamanic work is a portal to this activation. 

The woman leading the event was named Lily. She greeted me at the door of her house with a genuine easy going smile. She had a calm energy, was friendly but not overly friendly and was dressed in normal clothes, a yellow skirt and top and a white beaded necklace. She was pretty with a large bodacious bosom and a nice figure for her age. Her eyes were kind, caring yet detached. I'm guessing she's in her early 50's

Upon instruction, I removed my shoes and before entering the room, was purified by Lily herself with an eagle feather and a piece of burning sage. To my delight, there were only 4 of us who showed up for the event. With so few people it was sure to be an intimate affair, one where I would feel more comfortable to share. 

I looked around the room at the seating options and chose a comfy blue bean bag chair leaned up against a wall with pillows for my head. It was next to the window which looked out onto the down sloping landscape of green pastures and a tree line across the field. I watched the sun setting out the window and engaged in some small talk with the others while we waited for any stragglers to show up. 

Around a quarter past 7 we got started. Standing in the middle of the room, we watched from our seats as Lily initiated our session by calling in the 4 directions, South, West, North, East, Mother Earth and Father Sky in that order. The ritual was inviting our animal spirits, ancestors, angels, and all other dimensional beings to the circle who wanted to be there to assist with our healing and expansion. 

After taking her time to properly protect our space, Lily sat down and began to explain a little about what we were going to do. It was an introductory past life regression session and since it was a group session she would be going pretty fast in order that we didn't get stuck or linger somewhere for too long without having her individual help to guide us through. She explained that if we did get stuck, in the sense where we weren't seeing anything or stuck in something uncomfortable, in these instances we could call upon an animal spirit or our higher self to help us get unstuck. By asking around the room, she soon realized we were all amateurs and unsure of who our animal guides were. So we started out with a session to discover who our guide would be.

I've been hypnotized a handful of times and am familiar with the process of going into a different state. I've learned not to expect anything or try to create or control what I see. The key is to relax and allow the process to unfold itself because it's never going to play out the way we expect it to. I really had no agenda other than to experience something new and see what this past life regression thing was all about. Lily emphasized that there really was nothing we needed to do, that we would be given what we needed at the exact time we needed it from Spirit. I trusted what she said and decided to just relax and maybe I would have some visions and if not, that was okay too. 

We sat back and closed our eyes, and she instructed us to do a 7 second Shamanic breath where you inhale for 7 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 7 and hold for 7. After we were relaxed and comfortable in our seats, she began to lead us in our minds down a stairway, counting the steps down from 10 and as we stepped down we took in the surrounding. At the bottom of the stairway, the path opened up to a beautiful scene of our choice. Mine happened to be Laguna Beach where I used to live, I was on my favorite beach with no other people on it. She had us take in the scene with all of our senses, then pick somewhere to sit down and get comfortable. She has us soak in the sun on our body, and get relaxed where we were. 

We then were instructed to call on our animal spirit. She said to just watch what shows up and if something comes back a few times ask if it is your spirit animal. Nothing clear came to me, I saw a few short glimpses of a hawk and a seagull, but they didn't stay. Then just as Lily was about to end the session and guide us back up the stairs, a bighorn sheep came walking out of the cave behind me. I quickly asked if he would be my guide and if I could call upon him if I got stuck and he said yes. I showed him gratitude and said goodbye and walked back up the stairs and opened my eyes as instructed.
This was a big surprise as I have never had this totem animal show up for me before nor was this animal in my resent awareness. However, after reading about what this animal totem means, it makes a lot of sense that I would have this animal with me now.  

After some discussion, it was settled that we all had our animal guides to call on. Lily then began to guide us in the past life regression journey. 

She grounded us into our bodies and got us comfortable and focused on the 7 second shamanic breath. After a few minutes, she then guided us to envision ourselves walking down a beautiful beach, feeling the sand under our feet and the waves at the shore gently lapping up on our feet as we walked. We were asked to engage our senses to notice any smells, sounds or sights around us. I didn't see much, but I could feel the water and my feet on the sand. 

She was guiding us pretty quickly with constant instructions and there wasn't much time to linger on whether I saw anything or not. My mind didn't have much time to make stuff up, either I saw something or I didn't and if I didn't there was no time to worry about it anyway because she was moving on to the next thing. Then she said to look up and notice that a silhouette was coming towards us.  She said it was someone we had a relationship with in this current life and they were walking towards us.

I looked up and I saw my Dad who died last year in February. We hugged and were both excited to see each other. We just walked down the beach with our arms wrapped around each other enjoying our time together. I felt very comfortable and at peace with him. This wasn't the case when he was alive. We had a confusing relationship in which we had a lot of unmet expectations of each other. Neither of us lived up to who we wanted each other to be. Now that he's moved on, I know he understands me so much better and I feel very close with him. 

She then had us notice a cave and walk into it, which I did. My father didn't come with me but the bighorn sheep was by my side. We walked into the cave and she had us notice a bunch of symbols on the walls of the cave. We were to walk up to one of the symbols and when we touched it we'd be on our way to another life. This came in the form of a worm hole for me. The sheep and I got sucked backwards into this hole and after her count of 5 we landed in our first past life. As Lily guided us to look at our feet and notice what we were wearing, what race and gender we were, I did't see anything, it was black. I felt like I was standing somewhere but I couldn't see anything, no images were coming to me. So I relaxed into the nothing and asked my sheep to remove the blocks to my seeing. As Lily kept going with the guidance she got to a part where she said to go to the first experience with the significant relationship in that life. 

Suddenly I saw myself walking across the street, my bighorn right next to me. I was wearing a beautiful and sexy saloon girl dress and I had long brown wavy hair. I felt very beautiful. I walked into the empty saloon and leaned over the bar to gaze into my lover's eyes. He was the saloon owner. We were madly in love with each other. There was no dialogue, just some sweet gazing. The instructions were happening fast and soon Lily had us going into a 2nd scenario with this person.

Slowly an image came where I was on a bed wearing the same sexy dress, looking at my lover smoking a cigar near the window. He had just struck me in the mouth and we were silent. I wasn't mad or upset, nor was he, in fact there wasn't much emotion to it. I just had the sense that he was an alcoholic and an extremely jealous lover because I was a saloon girl and got attention from other men all day long. But even though he beat me I was still in love with him and wouldn't leave him. 

Then we were instructed to move to another significant scene. My lover and I were in a covered horse carriage and it was raining outside. It felt like he was taking me somewhere to drop me off for a long time but I couldn't tell where. The carriage stopped an I got out and walked around in the town square which was pretty empty because it was night and raining. I didn't get much detail other than this.

Lily then had us fast forward to the scene of our death in that life. I saw myself laying down on the wood deck in front of the saloon after being shot. I got the sense that my lover was the one who shot me. He was an extremely jealous lover and couldn't handle me being desired by others. The feeling I had was still one of deep unconditional love for this man and him for me. 

We were slowly guided out of the trance and as I opened my eyes,  I began to feel sad for what I had just witnessed and what it meant for this life. I was a little surprised that I saw so much and a little overwhelmed.  

I shared my experience with the group as we went around the circle. Lily said that in a one-on-one session she would have had me go further into each scene to help me extract more details from it, find out if there were any unmet needs we could resolve, and to identify what clues it was showing me for this life.  I told her I didn't have much emotion about what I saw even though it was a sad situation. It was more like I was a detached witness to the scene rather than in the saloon woman's body experiencing her. Apparently, we get exactly what we can handle at that moment and I wasn't ready to have the intensity of this situation be fully embodied in me. That explanation made sense to me.

This vision was given to me to learn something from. There are many clues about my current life relationship pattern from this experience. I have never been in a deep long term adult relationship. I am always the one who walks away from my partners and usually end up hurting them. I never get too attached and I always find what's wrong with them and why I should leave them. I've never had my heart broken. Either that or I fall for men who are unavailable because they are married. There's also been this unrealistic idea of what love and relationships are all about although I've become much more realistic in my older age. (Venus square Neptune in my astrology chart). 

Perhaps in this past life love was too painful and I'm still recovering from it in this life? There was an aspect to my relationship with the Saloon owner where I was blinded by love and overlooked a very serious issue of violence in our relationship. I wonder if there's any connection between that man and my father in this lifetime? There's been a lot of rejecting of men in this lifetime by me, including rejecting my Dad. Perhaps there are clues why in the vision I had. I'm not sure the answers to these questions, but I know my subconscious is working on them and some answers will be revealed over time. 

We ended up chatting until 10 pm and I learned a little more about Lily's background. She had come from many years of Shamanic studies from all over the world; Japan, Hawaii and Peru mainly. Her main emphasis was on soul retrieval and clearing attached spirits. I was very impressed with her stories and how she answered questions. I can see her depth and wisdom and felt that she could be my next teacher. I decided to do a one on one session with her next week. I'm excited to go deeper and see what comes up.  I'd like to work on boundaries within relationships, staying in my own power within relationships, finding my voice and getting more comfortable expressing myself in speech.

P.S. Astrologically it's no coincidence this is happening when transiting Uranus (the planet of awakening, individuality, sudden change, liberation) is exactly conjuncting my South Node (past lives) in Aries and exactly opposite my Sun (identity and self expression). Mercury planet of communication is in the 8th house of occult studies, death and transformation. Hence why I'm blogging and sharing about this event.