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Showing posts from November, 2012

100% In It

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I am not my thoughts because they come and go in a background of stillness. These particular thoughts in this particular mind are particularly conditioned to this particular vehicle. The specific gates in my head/ajna centers as well as all of the white in my design flavor the thought streams that flow through me. I don't have to believe a word it says because it is ultimately just a tiny fraction of what I am. I can take in the entire world with this perspective too, knowing that whatever I am hearing, seeing, perceiving is just a projection of my mind and it isn't really true. Nothing needs to stick, I can let it all flow through me and enjoy the ride. The more I trust in my innate splenic wisdom of the moment, the more I can glide through this life and not try to grasp onto anything. What is true does not come and go. What Is true, what "I" am, is the substratum, the primordial soup from which everything arises. All through the rise and fall of thoughts, ideas

Addiction & Disease Fall Away

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I don't know what did it but my addiction to popcorn and weed have fallen away just in the last couple months. Also, pretty much a couple weeks after my 35th birthday, my chronic bladder infection that's been with me for the last 2 and a half years has pretty much disappeared. Wow, so many shifts in such a short time. I was always so worried about my addictions, always trying to get rid of them with my willpower and always feeling bad because I couldn't quit. I feel that what really allowed the addictions to fall away was learning to accept my humanity, facing my false identity with inquiry, healing the body/mind with bodywork, and having the courage to face my fears. When I moved to Nevada City, I had the intention of finding healers to work with, and I found so many amazing ones. In just 3 months I ended up attracting exactly what I needed. Melanie gave me 2 sessions of Reconnective Healing which definitely had a profound effect. Coreen , an incredible acupuncturist

Taste of Freedom

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Looking back over just one day that I felt rather blah about I now realize that so many feelings and experiences passed through me. For example... Envy of the cat on my lap, so cozy, so serene, so at peace with sleeping all day Boredom of mundane tasks Appreciation of the orange tint of sunset outside my window Confusion of how I feel about a new relationship Anxiety about a future social situati on that hasn't happened yet Frustration over not feeling like I'm enough Energy and excitement about the possibility of my very own studio apartment Sweet and sassy as I giggled on the phone with a friend Delight as my mouth melted on some pecan soy ice cream Nervousness and overwhelm about starting a new job Sadness and concern about my aversion to people Lost with no direction Sympathy for people who have no home Annoyance at technical difficulties Laziness for not exercising Love for the little toddler having a difficult time communicating with her dad Blessed to

Splenic/Ego Manifestor Mechanics

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Spleen!! A new experience of getting a new job, internship and my first studio of my own just happend to help me understand how my splenic authority works. As a Splenic/Ego Manifestor - The theme for me is this, I'm moving along slowly, resting, working a little, chillin, non-energy being..la la la...then a feeling for change arises and builds, but I've learned now that just because this feeling/thought arises that doesn't mean that I should act...I still need to wait and watch, basically I'm waiting for the splenic hit that comes with the energy surge of the ego...and then all of a sudden there is a necessity and drive to act, every cell in my body suddenly says make a move, I pick up the phone, send some emails, meet who I need to meet, and there is a huge drive and determination to get er done...make it happen...for my own well being...when my authority is clear, and when this ego energy is available, shit happens so fast! And then I rest again :) To be living in