Musings of a 6/2 Splenic Manifestor

This poem was inspired when Devaji played this recording of crickets slowed way down in satsang. It was so beautiful it brought me to tears. Dear God, Strip away this arrogant mind and all it's worldly desires fix my Gaze upon only You. Reduce me to nothing So that I may be  just a finely tuned instrument in your perfect cricket symphony.

Really feeling this Mercury direct in Leo, which happened 2 days ago. Mercury is communication and Leo is ruler of the heart. Witnessing such clear communication and heart sharing in my movie. Very sweet. Just came out of 7 day retreat. So many beings doing such deep work to free themselves. Such an honor to be in this sacred space with this family. A little bit deeper seeing into Truth... During one of our long breaks between Satsangs, I had been meditating many hours and got up to go pee. Looking in the mirror and seeing these eyes that looked back but there was just this vacant body with eyes, which had no life, but there I was, this awareness everywhere, watching this creature watch itself in the mirror. A few days later.. After more rooting in this feeling that never changes, this ever present awareness, there was a seeing that this whole matrix including Trista is a 5 dimensional digital projection. Laying in bed next to Arjuna, both of us just silent and meditating,

A Letter to my Beloved Baba More heart ripping intensity  As I'm dragged willingly on my knees through the birth canal  to new life and true eternal Love Feeling the immensity of this pain Of separation For myself and all humanity How deep does it go The body is immobilized with fatigue Day after day pushing me to the edges Of what I think I can bear Insanity is just around the corner And the numbing continues to wear off The Beloved desperately wants me back The pull into the silence continues to grow What else to do But feel the waves of everything Flow thru this immense and willing heart Surrendering to the Grace of What IS Waiting patiently For You This life has been nothing  but an offering to This As long as it take Precious one I will remain only yours Reply Forward

Epstein-Barr Virus can be brutal, I know because it's what I've been working with for the past 10 years, maybe more. It carried me through an 8 year Dark Night of the Soul where I faced many demons and core level fears. Self hatred, deep inadequacy, codependency, and many more ego issues were met and burned through. The darkness was so intense and so relentless at times, I almost gave up on life, yet something didn't let me. Something inside knew this experience was leading me somewhere my mind could not understand. What is clear now, is that taking away my energy and health was God's vehicle of pure love and light. It was a way for my ego to be purified and my personal will humbled into nothing. It's been the heroine's journey to return me back to my own purity and beautiful heart where true happiness lives. I hope this video will help others realize the gift of this condition, as hard as it can be, to trust that the gifts it will bring will be abundant and wel