Ra Uru Hu's definition of a Manifestor. It was interesting but I kind of shrugged it off as another one of those new age things, having no idea how much it would impact my life.
Then I came home and began to get more curious. Something made me look deeper. It was when I read about what it meant to be a 6/2 that I really got into it. You see, I am 32 and in a state of retreat from the world, which corresponds exactly to the 6/2 profile. I have begun to be very hermitty, really not wanting to do much, get stimulated by much, not be out in the world where I'm sensitive to other people's negative energy. Most people out there are so stuck in the matrix, just playing the game, so wrapped up in meaningless pursuits, and so unaware of themselves and it's just not a comforting place for me to be right now. I'm even not interested in what people are saying most of the time, even if it's something I'd usually be interested in. By nature, I'm generally very curious and I often listen intently to people's stories and experiences mainly to learn how I can better live my life or what I might be interested in pursuing. But I feel full. I've tried many things, explored many careers, traveled around the world, lived in other countries, talked to many wise people, played many games, read lots of self help books, I don't want to listen anymore unless it's going to help me truly understand myself and this world better. I'm all tapped out right now and almost paralyzed from the overload. I don't know what to do next and I'm waiting for the right answer.
Which is why I'm now obsessed with Human Design. Luckily, I found John Martin on youtube and watched every single video he's made, the one's about me multiple times. And I am trying to understand what it all means for me. I have truly been repressed and lost my power in my life by trying to fit in, to be nice, to play it small and not exert the power that I know I have because I have seen it make people uncomfortable. I've gotten caught in the trap of acting like a Generator, waiting to respond. And truly I'm terrified of what it means to not act like this. I feel like I won't do anything social if I don't respond because the only things I know how to initiate are things I do for myself. I'm really good at initiating things for myself, I truly am. But I like doing social things on occasion with a select group of people. Usually, I'm invited to gatherings and adventures by my friends and we have a great time. Rarely am I the one to say let's get together. What does being a Manifestor mean for my social life?
They say that Manifestors are lone wolves and I very much feel like that much of the time but I don't like hearing this statment. I do feel like I need people to balance out my alone time mainly to avoid going completely insane with my thoughts. And I do want a partner in life. What I'm looking for is a man strong enough to be an initiator and manifestor with me. I want to manifest things together with someone.
So I am on a journey to discover what it means to be a Manifestor in this world. Starting with a full chart reading from John Martin either today or tomorrow. And perhaps a trip to Kauai to meet others who are experimenting with their design.
All I know for right now is I'm moving to live alone for the first time in my life and I couldn't be more happy about that. I'll be near the beach and mountains, closer to nature, where I can have peace and serenity much of the time. I'm embracing this hermit phase and trying not to judge. I'm uncertain of my career as a photographer, or the success of my new GanoCafe business. I have faith that everything will work out if I try to live out my design and embrace what it means to be a splenic manifestor. It's really all I can do right now. Live day to day, moment by moment, hoping that I'll have the means to get by.
Ra says in the Manifestor Manifesto. "You have to know when to pull back and do nothing." I am certainly in the do nothing phase. I'm in a phase of I don't know and I don't care!! It feels like I'm floating outside of the matrix, just observing, not really involved in much. I want to care, I truly do. And I want to act, initiate and have an impact. I just don't want to be exhausted anymore.
born 10/08/1977 at 2:14am in Westlake Village, California