Thursday, November 30, 2017

Heading to India oh my!

Counting down 4 days til I embark upon a 10 week pilgrimage to India. Excited and nervous. Some burning is inevitable, some fatigue is definite, emotional breakdowns are probable, some bliss is likely, but whatever will happen on this journey is welcomed. There is true faith in the fact that I am being guided in perfect timing to finally and completely let go of the separate "I" and be returned to the natural state of pure joy and love in every moment no matter what is happening in this movie. The end of all fear is near. I will be spending lots of time with the mountain called Arunachala where Ramana Maharishi the awakened master sat his entire life. He transmitted the Truth through mostly silence. He is the most revered teacher in India and I am so honored to be heading his way. Although my relationship with Ramana is not very intimate at this point, he did come to me in a shamanic journey a couple years back. With the soundtrack of some live drumming, I was guided to the upper world to meet a spirit guide. I climbed a tree and jumped to a cloud then traveled via giant Hawk up through the sky into the vast open space of the universe. Hovering in a cloud in the heavens I waited patiently with the knowing that someone may or may not come and I was not to force anything to happen. I had learned from previous journeys to just let the subconscious mind do it's thing and not expect anything. And the logical mind as usual was most skeptical of this sort of thing. However, after a few minutes of waiting and a few times of requesting a spirit guide to come, to my surprise, Ramana appeared. He gave me a simple message. "You must go all the way." And it was just 2 weeks after this experience when a new friend told me about Devaji. Some say that Devaji is an incarnation of Ramana. I would say they are correct. They share the same birthday and many other similarities. Devaji has a very powerful effect that drew me in immediately. Within meeting him at my first retreat, I felt so pulled to his transmission of Love that I moved to Shasta to be with him full time. Now I consider waking up my full time job and miraculously have been supported in this endevour. Little did I know that the Love that him, his wife and the sangha would shower on this shattered soul would be just the recipe for freedom and healing that I needed. It was this unconditional love that was needed to allow the deepest pain to surface, to be felt, to be held and to be freed. I am so blessed to fall into this ocean and now to be heading to the motherland and Shiva mountain with my sweetie who is ironically named Arjuna. (warrior of Truth). Thanks for sharing in this journey my friends. Your words of kindness have been a warm blanket of support on this treacherous journey. In truth, the deep suffering has been my greatest gift from God. It takes great desire to break free from the shackles of the ego and without the suffering, freedom would not be desired and so passionately sought. Jai Ma!

Monday, October 30, 2017

Oral Hydrogen Peroxide Therapy for EBV - a Daily Journal

I'm drinking Hydrogen Peroxide to see if it will put this Epstein Barr Virus to sleep.

Anyone who has watched my story knows all I could talk about this year was Thrive. It truly saved my life when I needed it most, finally got me off coffee and gave me hope again after one of the worst dark nights of the soul. It wasn't long after I started it though that my energy began to crash mid day. So I worked with my awesome coach to try and figure out what was happening. 

It would go in cycles, I'd have 2-3 weeks of great energy and then I would crash for awhile (this was before I knew about EBV and it's cycles). She really tried to work with me on my diet but honestly when I'm going through flare up I have no energy or motivation whatsoever and basically eat my comfort foods so I don't just kill myself. I have let go of any guilt around this which is very freeing in itself. Cutting out the dairy, grains and popcorn has been tough but something tells me this is going to be my next phase.

The past few months have been rough I'm not going to lie. I would say about 70% of my days for the past 4 months have been a struggle with low energy. (it's nothing like before though when I would be bedridden for days on end!). Along with the energy crashes, I've been going to non-stop satsang with Devaji which is designed to bring up the mind's worst fears. There is a transmission of love during these sittings that is so powerful that it stirs up whatever is inside that needs to be released. 

The exhaustion has clearly been my doorway to opening my heart and releasing so many layers of pain from this life and past lives. It's been a gift in this regard because I'm feeling so much more love and joy in my life despite the continued struggle with the fatigue.

A friend told me about Medical Medium earlier this year and I got his book and read about the Epstein Barr Virus. I knew intuitively I had it but didn't have the proof yet. But I got some L-Lysine anyway and took it daily, I wasn't ready to buy more supplements, drink celery juice and cut out eggs and chicken like he suggested because I still had faith in Thrive. But it turns out Thrive doesn't really have any anti-virals that can make EBV go dormant. So I'm still having these ups and downs. 

2 weeks ago I went to my new primary care Nurse and she had ordered my blood test results from last year. She pointed out to me the EBV results and I wasn't surprised. Turns out no one from that previous office was educated enough to know that if you have EBV antigens then you have EBV because it doesn't just go away. And I wasn't educated enough to read the test back then nor did I have the energy to pursue anything more than mere survival. Ironically when I got my blood test I was actually just out of a flare up and feeling great which is why it showed up as a past infection. But I think one hit again soon after.

A little more background first.

I tried Nutritional Balancing under Dr. L Wilson for about 2 years from (08/2014 to 12/2016) following the program about 70% (diet is always a big challenge for me and that diet regime is intense). I was still having major ups and then downs, and actually felt worse a lot of the time and kept justifying that it was detox. Little did I know I was having EBV flare ups.  It's a great program that works for some but I it wasn't working for me.

Before NB I was attempting to heal the fatigue, depression and addictions through mostly emotional psycho spiritual work with Ayahuasca, Iboga, Kundalini Yoga and Energy Healing. I have some other posts on my blog about some Ayahuasca journey's I've done. It helped with the depression but in hindsight it may have made the fatigue and virus worse, hard to say.

Then Thrive came along in January, 2017 and as I mentioned above it really helped me climb out of a deep dark hole and gave me some life force back. Right before that it felt like I was holding onto life with just a thin thread and if something didn't come along I didn't think I would make it. It was sent by my angels! However it isn't quite the miracle cure I needed.

Sooo...I am going to India this year, I know it's crazy but liberation is my greatest hunger, even bigger than getting heathy. I can't really afford it, my body isn't really up for yet, but by Grace it's what's happening.
Because I'm going to India with Devaji in December and really want to be strong for this trip, there has arisen a new enthusiasm for trying something new to assist the body in it's healing process. After reading a woman in the Facebook EBV forum who emphatically recommended H202 oral therapy for EBV I started looking into it.

By no coincidence, my lovely boyfriend was staying with me for a couple months and he happened to have an ozone steam sauna and was into ozone enemas. He brought with him a book called "Flood your body with Oxygen" which has been sitting by the bed for weeks. For the past few months I was already being introduced to the power of oxygen therapy. So I looked into it more, and after reading 3 books (2 were free online) and checking out countless testimonials about using oral H202 to get the oxygen the body needs, I decided this modality was affordable and doable and definitely worth a shot.

It seems there have been many things that come along that I have had high hopes for that didn't solve my energy issues long term, so this time around I am realistic and know that often in the beginning of a new treatment, the body will respond positively but then the EBV will adapt and come back. Let's hope this isn't the case with H202 the claimed "miracle cure". Not only for me but for millions who have it and can't afford the expensive Ozone treatments. There's a free ebook about this therapy if anyone is curious. 

In addition to the H202 therapy I am taking the following on a regular basis;

Liposomal Vit C - 2,000 - Mercoloa brand
Milk Thistle 3 caps x 3 times a day - Jarrow formula
Vit D 10,000 per day - Sports Research
L-Lysine - 1000 3 times a day - Solaray
will be adding Monolaurin in a few days when I get it 12-16oz of Celery Juice - soaked overnight in H202 water to kill the bacteria
Thrive (Capsules, shake and Ultar patch) - The shake is so yummy I look forward to every morning like I used to look forward to coffee, it's a miracle! Yes of course I am a promoter and if you want to try you can email me or check out this link.)
Rife Machine - 1-2 hours 4-5x a week (another gift from my beloved partner)
Occasional water and h202 enemas
H202 hot baths (4 - 6oz 35% H202)

Oral H202 Therapy Daily Journal (loosely following the protocol outlined in One Minute Cure)

Day 1 - October 17, 2017 - 3 drops x 3 times per day
H202, thrive caps, celery juice, thrive shake, Form, balance, 2x2 L-lysine Day 2 - 2 drops x 3
Already detoxing, woke up feeling less exhausted than usual, had very stinky gas in the middle of the night and my BO is also not great indicating some detox is in process. Had my morning shot of H2o2 with 4 drops and now doing a H202 enema to flush out what's going on in my gut. Also have been doing 6 days of the EBV protocol on the rife machine. Had good energy most of the day but felt gassy and bloated and hungry. Had a coffee around 3pm to do some video work.

Day 3 - 5 drops x3 (My partner decided to join me whohoo!)
Woke up exhausted, slept til 9, made love, Thrive, no celery juice today.
Good energy all morning until I ate. (forgot what I ate) Slight dip for about 20 minute then back to good energy
1:30 steam ozone sauna, immediately upon entering the middle of my chest broke out in little tiny bumps. Energy 7 (out of 10), feeling relaxed, Mood 9
Still lots of phlegm in throat and nose, not sure if its detox or the last stages of the flu I just had.

Day 4 - Oct 20, 6x3
Woke up less tired than yesterday
H202, 20 min later Thrive caps, 30 min later Shake, no Thrive patch today, 12 min ozone steam sauna before bed, then final dose of H202 really good energy and mood all day until about 630 then felt a dip. Right after eating some home made fried onion rings probably related?

Day 5 - 7x3
Woke up feeling good energy with little headache from sauna. There is
Went away after Thrive caps. Drank celery juice and pooped right after.
Mid-day tiredness, kept working through it so not too bad.
Ozone enema, felt a little more energy after

Day 6 - 8x3
Woke up only slightly tired
30 min of yoga stretching and some yummy sex then a 20 min walk with dogs
Ate basmati rice with green bean casserole, energy dipped within 15 min of eating it. (as someone on FB brilliantly pointed out, it's the grains! and I am now going to do my best to not eating grains or dairy)
1:22 energy is a 7, mood is 7
Still having occasional toxic gas, not every time but there is much gas
Still having runny nose and phlegm in throat
BM’s are still not regular unless I take GB3
3:00 did 3 water enemas then a H202 enema and douche which I couldn’t keep in more than 4 minutes.
4pm feeling quite tired, detox?

Day 7 9 x 3 kind of tired most of the day

Day 8 - 9 x 3
Woke up pretty tired.
Took h202 then thrive felt better during our soak at the hotsprings
Ate bowl of GF corn cereal, felt energy crash right after (grains!)
Bison burger at Organic Cafe in Medford
Tired rest of day until around 6pm then got an energy boost
EBV rife machine 1 hour

Day 9 - 10x3
Woke up sleepy after 11 hours of sleep (my partner took the Ozone stuff with him back to Canada)
8:00am H202, then 20 min later thrive caps, then 10 min later celery juice with h202 bath (4 oz 35%),
11:00am feeling good energy, cleaning, getting things done. Scared to eat cause every time i do my energy crashes
11:30- 10 drops h202
5:30  meditation for 40 min and almost falling asleep
6pm took 3rd dose of H202 and felt noticeable boost in energy

Day 10 - 11 x 3
Had coffee mid day because I needed to get Visa stuff done for India and felt tired
Read Ozone book again and learned that H202 can be inhaled using a nasal sprayer. One guy cured his prostate cancer that way. Thinking of adding it to my regime. I have a constant nasal drip these days, think it’s the detox. I’ve been using 3 or 4 drops of 35% in my waterpik toothcare routine and it clears it up pretty good for awhile but when I go out for a walk always gets drippy.
Rife Machine - 2 hours both EBV and Chronic Fatigue, Liver, Kidney support programs

Day 11 - 12 x 3
Heavy period flow, woke up pretty tired but slept well through the night.
8am H202 first thing, then h202 bath with 6 oz 35%, 2 thrive caps then celery juice, then thrive shake and patch
9:43 waking up, feeling pretty alert despite the heavy period flow
12:10 2nd h202 dose
12:30 2 pieces of GF avo toast

Day 12 - 14 x 3
Woke up exhausted, slept in til 9, day 2 of period is heaviest and I'm feeling it
14 drops, hot bath with no h202 just epsom salts, Thrive caps, then shake 20 min later
Energy came on nicely, felt decent enough to go to Ashland with Ana!
Went to Ashland with Ana, her presentation was at 1 and right afer I drank another 14 drops then about 10 min later ate a Gyro - mostly just the meat of it but definitely some of the pita too. Went to get phone sim card and felt tired during that but not exhausted, then ate sugar free chocolate chia pudding at Sauce and felt great the rest of the night.
2 hours of Rife machine before bed, ran the EBV and the Energy programs.
In Ashland saw a friend who is well known for her muscle testing. She tested me for H202, L-Lysine and Monolaurin and all tested 100% positive! nice to get some re-assurance

Day 13 -15 x 2
Slept in til 9am, 15 drops, h202 bath with 4oz, thrive caps, celery juice
Felt slight nausea from the h202 in morning
After thrive shake energy kicked in, took Yoshi on a walk
2 plain water enemas - felt headache right after then
3:33 after the mid day dose, feeling sick and have headache. Laid in bed most of the rest of the day. Headache started after 2 water enemas an hour ago
Will go back down to 13 drops tomorrow

Day 14 - 13 x 3
8am - 13 drops - better than yesterday, didn’t get nauseous but I don’t look forward to drinking it
20 min later thrive caps, 10 min later celery juice, 20 min later ½ thrive shake, Ultra patch
11am - bfast - sweet potato quiche w eggs yum!
12pm - 13 drops
2pm - feeling great! Energy and mental clarity. Took yoshi to pond. Drank a Boost just before. Just had another ½ shake of thrive
3pm - Ate sardine salad on GF toast, vegan mayo, mustard, celery. Energy crash shortly after, energy went from a 9 to a 6 - okay it's definitely the grains!!
5pm - 13 drops
Took Yoshi on 2nd walk, energy kicked in. Got back and found myself cleaning of all things, this is a good indication the H202 is working cause I never want to clean.
6pm - ate dinner of dhal with no rice this time
7pm - still feeling good, working on this blog and no crash in energy from the food - I made it with split Garbanzo beans.
1 hours of Rife - EBV program

Day 15 - 14x3 woke up slightly tired, mid back (heart chakra) is very sore need to do some stretching
14 drops (very slight nausea but not bad), Thrive caps, celery juice, 1/2 shake, patch 9:45 feeling more alert and energized I found out yesterday I have to make an emergency trip to San Francisco to renew my passport. I feel strong enough for the trip and confident I can do the 5 hour drive without coffee. We'll see.
Day 16 - 14x3
Woke up tired but not exhausted at sister's place in SF. Got in at 2am last night.
8:30 -14 drops, celery juice, thrive then GF toast with avocado
11am passport office went smooth, felt great, small energy dip on way home in bus
12:00 2nd dose- took it early cause I had empty stomach and wanted to eat
12:30 ½ thrive shake with boost
2:30 Sweet Potato quiche - slight energy crash
630 short meditation/rest, got up with some energy and baked some yummies for us.
7:30 3rd dose tough to swallow but felt fine after

Day 17 - 15x3
Was able to stomach 15 drops this time much better
2.5 hour walk in SF with Yoshi along the coast. Beautiful
Felt tired after - rest/nap
Energy kicked back in and baked and made dinner

Day 18 - 16x3
Drove back from SF, felt kind of tired after 12pm, had ½ decaf coffee around 4
16 drops not too bad to swallow
Got my Monolaurin/L-Lysine supps in the mail.

Day 19 - 17 x 3
Woke up took h202, thrive, celery juice
Did an hour of yoga and meditation which is unusual lately. Did 28 min of Kirtan Kriya meditation to still the mind. When I woke up this morning my body demanded some attention, it’s been so long and I’ve been so sore. Felt great to give it some love!
11:30 feel good energy but starting to get hungry. A little nervous to eat because this seems to be when my energy crashes.
Ate spinach, avo, cucumber salad with balsamic vinegar
1pm 2nd dose
2:00 energy is a 7, editing videos
3pm ate Annie’s Barley Veggie soup
4pm nap
430 energy kicked in and went to store took yoshi on a walk
7pm took 3rd dose, feeling good making veggie soup

Day 20 - Nov 5 - 17 drops x 3  again (felt slightly nauseous and headache yesterday with 17 drops so stayed at this amount for another day)
1pm 2nd dose, ate blue chips and sardine salad for lunch, slight drop in energy after but not for long
Consistent energy all day - not tons of it, maybe a 7, except for slight dip after I ate.
Played with Yoshi in the park chasing and fetching sticks. Felt great to run and play!
There is definitely something to this.
Also loving my Celery juice in the morning as it helps me poo :)
Day 21 - 18 drops x 3
Drank h202, took h202 bath, thrive, celery juice, supps, yoga,
Cleaning and cooking all morning feeling great

Day 22 - 20x18x20
20 drops gave me slight detox headache and felt kind of tired around 12
Got a ½ decaf americano
2nd dose dropped down to 18 drops
Drank some Guayasca tea - more caffeine
Ate baked butternut squash then still craved carbs - ate cheerios with banana and almond milk - felt way to stuffed and had some gas

Day 23 - Nov 8, 20x3
12:30 feeling great! Slow start this morning but energy kicked in after Thrive shake. Had sweet potato turkey bacon quiche for bfast. Body is less achey but mid back is still sore - from fall i had few weeks ago.
1:30 2nd dose. I cringe after i drink it and feels very slight nausea. Haven’t found watermelon juice yet but drinking it with more distilled water to dilute the taste more.

Day 24 - 21 x 3
Good consistent clean energy all day, this is very promising. BM’s are better than they’ve been in a long time. Did some stretching again this morning.
Day 25 - 22 x 22 x 20
Wow, tons of energy, great mood. Slight nausea from the dose this morning, only waited 30 min to take the Thrive. Seems to be okay.
Have been eating all kinds of food and still feeling good energy.
1:45 2nd dose - nausea then some fatigue
Ate homemade dhal with kale, rested
Shopped and took dog on walk.
6pm feel very slight detox headache and nausea.
3rd dose 20 drops
9pm feeling great!

Day 26 - 21x3
Slight drop in energy around 3pm after 2nd walk of the day. Had 12oz coffee. Body is in repair mode.

Day 27 - 21x3
Tired all day, slight boost in the eve
Did a coffee enema - gave me slight energy for a 1.5 mi walk with yoshi in the wood but by the end i was exhausted and yawning

Day 28 - Nov 14 - still at 21x 21 x 0
It’s getting tougher to force myself to drink it from the taste and the nausea after.
Nauseous and tired most of the day.
Been very hungry at night, can’t get enough carbs. Ate so much I made myself sick. Skipped evening dose.

Day 29 - 20x?
Watermelon juice arrived and it helped a lot with the taste this morning. Gunna try 20 drops 3x today.
12:00 had a few hours of energy from the Thrive, ate potatoes, carrots and an egg for bfast. Feeling energy crashing as I write. Wanting coffee.
Had ½ decaf americano, great energy the rest of the day
7:30 2nd dose 20 drops with watermelon juice Day 30 and beyond - I weaned off and quit. Too nauseous, even with the watermelon juice I can no longer take this.

But! I am taking the pellet form of Monolaurin and it seems to be helping a lot. Energy is getting better slowly but surely.

I'm off to India in 4 day oh my!

Sunday, October 29, 2017

EBV and spiritual awakening; A blessing in disguise

There has been struggling with Epstein Barr Virus for as long as I can remember, at least 15 years, probably more. I didn't know for sure that it was EBV up until last month. It started to manifest many years ago as a deep depression and fatigue that just got progressively worse.

When you have a life threatening illness, it's important to do what you can to heal the body. But what's more important is to heal the soul.

Back in college 17 years ago, there were repeated dreams where I was so extremely tired that I would lay down on the floor in the middle of class and fall into a deep heavy sleep. These dreams were an omen of what was to come. EBV would cyclically strip me of all life force to the point of near death over and over again.

This journey with EBV has taken me on such a profound spiritual quest that I actually wouldn't trade it for anything. It's been a forced deep dive into the heart of darkness to face every fear and belief that keeps me stuck in separation from God; from knowing my true eternal nature. Through the grace of EBV, I am being dragged back Home to my true original SELF. Back to a state of pure bliss and joy that can not be taken by anyone or anything, including an EBV flare up.

Anyone who has EBV knows what hell is like; days upon days of waking up feeling like shit, no energy to do anything, no ability to participate in life, and just being forced to lay in bed with your dark thoughts and dying aching body. After so many years of cycles into darkness I can say I've been to hell and back so many times it's like a 2nd home to me. 

"In a murderous time, the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn." ~Stanley Kunitz

The greatest blessing of EBV is that it has caused such deep suffering that there really has been nothing else to do but turn to Truth, to go within and find out who I really am. It has stripped me of all worldly desires simply because there is no energy for pursuing them. I have had no choice but to learn how to slow down and be still. To be with myself in silence and find out who I really am beyond the body and mind.

So this is my update from the healing trenches from a spiritual perspective. It's been awhile since I posted anything online, there's been an extended retreat into silence and stillness with Devaji and sangha. I've been attending every retreat he offers and now that I'm living in Mt Shasta I am attending the core group satsangs as well. I do not watch or listen to the news nor have I been on facebook or reading anything. Just learning to simply be..a Warrior of Truth.

What does that mean to be a Warrior? It means that when things get intense, the body crashes and the mind spins into fear, rather than getting swept up in the stories that something is wrong, to keep still, go within, pray to be a vessel of light and to just witness. To watch the mind spin it's stories of survival, of not being enough, not doing enough, and that everyone is mad at me and I need to do more to be loved. And to watch and RECEIVE whatever is arising, the pain of the body, the agony of the heart, the psychic attack of the mind, to receive all of it like a mother would hold her child.

And to really look and see, where is all this coming from? Who is the Me that is suffering? Can I actually find a Me?

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." ~ Gospel of Thomas

This is a truth which every mystic knows. As a result of facing the darkness within time after time, and watching the fears rise up and dissolve, a deep trust in life has arisen. I can see the perfection in all of it, even what the mind would call bad. I can feel the incredible grace in this sickness which has lead me down the rabbit hole in the passionate pursuit of Truth. And I have been show true LOVE, for myself, for life in all it's flavors and colors, and true compassion for myself and others.

I do not wish anything were different. This is easy to say when I'm not in a flare up. But truly each round with EBV brings me into deeper surrender, deeper peace and a more intimate relationship with What Is or God.  

Allowing and feeling the pain of lifetimes has burst the heart wide open and softened the hard shell which was built around it for so long. The rewards of this process is feeling more passion, more and more natural joy and love and an incredible compassion for myself and human condition. And the story of me and "my suffering" dissolves more and more. I am returning to my natural state of No One where true happiness reside.

I have been gifted with donations from my beloved sangha to go to India with Devaji this winter. I will be sitting with him at the feet of Arunachala where Ramana Maharishi lived and transmitted the silence for so many years. The trip got me reinvigorated to get this body strong, so there was a looking online for more help to address EBV. I came across oral hydrogen peroxide therapy and am giving it a try. Using this, a rife machine and some targeted supplements, there is a feeling of hope again that I can live EBV free. I also came across this wonderful support group on Facebook.

Whether or not the body fully recovers is irrelevant as I have tasted Truth and it's all I want. I have been given a few glimpses over the years of what it means to live outside the maia, the illusion, the box of the separate one. This place contains the deepest peace and joy that one could never imagine. It is a place where the joy and love remain despite what is happening in the body or mind or the world around us. It is Heaven on Earth and we are all being invited to return to this place.

If you have been given the gift of EBV, heed the invitation dear one. Your life is already being slowed down for you. Learn to be still. Feel the emotions that want to be felt. Watch the mind in it's insanity and see it for the innocent trouble maker that it is. Stop! and feel your heart. Focus on the awareness that never leaves you. This is where your true happiness lives.

Yes it is important to take care of the body, get the right supplements and change your diet. However this life is fleeting and it will be over soon, the body is dying anyways. You might as well spend your valuable time here finding out who you really are. Our suffering is our gift from Creator, he/she/it wants us back so badly she is willing to put us in hell so we begin to turn towards the Light within.

For the physical side of things, see my next post. I have been guided to the H202 or hydrogen peroxide therapy to kill the virus and get the body strong for my trip to India in December. Oh boy!

Monday, July 17, 2017

Human Design PHS Experiment - Diet of Indirect Light and Touch

*Update 10/29/17 - I only lasted on my PHS experiment for about 2 weeks, turns out my energy crashes are due to a much larger issue than when I eat. Found out from some blood work that I have Epstein Barr Virus and this is why I'm so exhausted all the time. I knew I had it intuitively, but now that I have this evidence, I'm addressing it with different supplements and oral hydrogen peroxide therapy. See my next post for details. Good luck with your PHS experiment.

Today is Day 5 of my Indirect Light Touch eating experiment. Feeling good and it's been surprisingly easy to just drink liquids and munch on a few carrots during the day. (on a side note I am using Thrive with the DFT Duo patch which helps cut cravings tremendously, a huge reason it's been much easier this time around.) Night time comes and there's this energy, mostly mental, I've never experienced before. This PLR DRR Manifestor passive body is truly meant to just chill most of the time. I now accept even at my peak energy levels and health, I will never be a generator doing things and going places on a consistent basis. It's really this mind that the nutrition is meant for. And even that needs long periods of rest and meditation. The past few years I've become a pretty healthy eater out of necessity to try and heal a chronic fatigue situation. So slowly I've gotten rid of food addictions (popcorn and coffee were the last ones to go) and now eat very little sugar, no gluten, mostly veggies and organic meats, and some healthy clean carbs.. and all in a search to find out what was making my energy crash and honestly it has been impossible to find a pattern with relation to food and the body's energy.
Ironically, Ra has said that it doesn't matter what is eaten was long as it is dark out, the body will take in the nutrition. So there is curiosity to test this theory but not want to go overboard with eating "toxic cardboard" food. But last night I tested it, I made a 4 hour drive in the evening to avoid the heat, I was excited for the sun to set so I could eat yet not sure what I wanted to eat. I ended up stopping at Panda Express of all places, fast food I haven't eaten in years. It was intense in flavor and kind of satisfying. Then I was still hungry about an hour later and stopped and ate Taco Bell, then around midnight I had a piece of sourdough toast - not gluten free! - with butter and jam just to make sure I went to be on a full stomach. Today I'm feeling really stable energy despite all the junk I ate last night. Feeling Surprised and Curious that this is happening and encouraged to keep going. Anyone else experiment with this "you can eat anything as long as it's at night" theory? How's your PHS experiment going? The PHS Determination in Human Design is about how we take in nutrition from our food and people in the most optimal way. My Color is 6 and I am Right Fixed which means my design absorbs the most nutrition after the sun goes down or in Indirect Light. If I do eat during the day I can pull the curtains closed and eat by a lamp. But I'm going extreme this time and only eating when it's dark out, which right now is 8:30pm so it's a long day. My Tone is 6 which indicates a need to touch my food when preparing and/or eating it because my fingers are literally taking in the nutrition information from the food more so than my mouth.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Your Pain is your Gateway to Passion

The ability to feel the incredible beauty and passion of life is directly related to your willingness to feel the pain of your character's particular piece of human suffering. Our soul's have each chosen a burden which can seem insurmountable to overcome. Drug and alcohol addictions, a physical illness, depression, physical abuse in childhood, betrayal, mistrust in life and other people, feeling stuck, chronic poverty, abandonment by God, fear of dying, etc. It's all a gift from our Soul to lead us deeper into our hearts. The Beloved will do what it takes to bring you Home even if it means bringing you to unimaginable pain and suffering, even to the edge of death. It takes a simple heart felt intention to be free from whatever it is, the openness to be willing to change, and the courage to do the work. The more you sit with yourself and meet this aspect the more it will rise to the surface to be met. On it's way out it can feel so intense, like it will destroy you. Stay with it. Hold it as you would a small child. Because what is discovered overtime in this process is that underneath this fear and pain is the exquisitely sweet and passionate longing of the heart to return to itself. This feeling is what we're looking for. It is Passion. So let your Pain be your gateway to your Passion. Because you can't have one without the other. We all have the Passion of the Christ inside of us to return home and remember that we are the LOVE that we are searching for.

Friday, January 20, 2017

The Revolution Begins with YOU!

Your beautiful and brilliant SOUL is calling you home. Will you answer the call?

To my friends who are feeling heavy emotions and calling out for something more in their life, I am feeling your tender heart, because I AM YOU. Listen to that voice inside you telling you something is missing, because if you have not yet discovered your own beauty within, there IS something missing. There IS another reality waiting for you, one of joy, passion, freedom, love, beauty and abundance. I’m here to tell you this reality is your birthright and it is POSSIBLE.

In this time of the Kali Yuga, the darkest time in the turning of the ages, before the light returns and humanity ascends to the Golden Age once again, we must fight for our birthright with everything we have! You fighting for your TRUE happiness does matter!  

This “something more” doesn’t have anything to do with tangible objects, you can’t buy it in a store, or wear it on your body, or get it from a partner. You can’t go back to school for it, or take a vacation to find it, or work harder at your job to get it. You can’t drink it, smoke it, snort it or take it on your tongue. You can’t take Thrive for it (although the right nutrition will help when times get rough ;)

It’s much more subtle than that, it requires stopping to listen, because at first it’s merely a whisper. A whisper that something isn’t quite right, that what you’ve been taught that life is about is all wrong. Because it is! You’ve been given mental programs to keep you small and keep you in fear. They simply aren’t true, they aren’t who you are, and the pathway HOME is to discover and free yourself from these oppressive programs in your mind.

Your beautiful and brilliant soul is calling you home. Will you answer the call?

Are you willing to listen to that voice that says I’m hurting, I’m sad, I’m lonely, I’m depressed, I want out? and are you willing to feel it and hold that wounded part of yourself like an infant with the love and tenderness of a new mother? Because although those feelings are NOT who you are, they are your friends, they are the doorway back to your original SELF, back to your heart, to the beautiful bright being you were born to be. Be Grateful they have come to rescue you.

Welcome these visitors of shame, pain, sorrow, guilt, anger and fear and give them their stage, be with them and allow them to move through you with puddles of tears and flames of rage! Give them your AWARENESS, that’s all you need to do. They will bring you to your knees. They will make you humble and patient, cracking your heart wide open so you may learn to truly LOVE yourself and others and learn to TRUST in Life to provide for you. They are there to reconnect you to that which created you and that which you long to return to.

I’m not going to sugar coat it, there is an enormous current (the collective mind) that wants to keep you stuck in the mediocrity of life, in the fear of the future, in the busyness of buying things and going places. Your family, friends, and peers, probably won’t understand you when you say to them, Isn’t there something more? I’m depressed. I want to live again!! And they may tell you it’s not possible. Just go back to what everyone else is doing. They may tell you to stay with the job you hate for financial security and to try anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds so you can return to “life as usual”. But do not listen.

Seek a higher wisdom, pray for guidance, get on your friggin knees and call out to a higher power that you don’t yet believe in, shout out to the HEAVENS that you ARE WILLING TO CHANGE! And then wait and Trust that you will be lead to the right person at the right time. Start focusing on YOU and YOU will be taken care of. This is your path, unique to you, and it will begin to get more and more clear as you walk it and begin to TRUST spirit to guide you.

This is your time! These icky feelings are your soul’s whisper that are calling you back to your heart. Do not ignore them. Spend time alone, feel what’s coming through, don’t put on a happy face and pretend you’re not broken hearted and wounded from lifetimes of disappointments from yourself and others. You must take the space to STOP and face this seeming darkness, because these feelings are part of the universal human story and we must feel them if we wish to be liberated from them. We have all been betrayed, lied to, abused, taken advantage of and abandoned. It is OUR Collective STORY, you are not UNIQUE in your story, however alone you may feel in it.

WAKING UP means we must be willing to experience all of it, even the darkness, especially the darkness. Because when we spend time with it we see it is our ally. Yes, the stakes seem to be high, you may not survive, you may be rejected, you may feel like giving up, you may be confused and alone with your own insane mind and heavy emotions. Pray, meditate, walk in nature, listen to those you who resonate with, and learn to be Still. The rewards of your own freedom, of true clear authority and autonomy are worth it!

So if there is stirring within, and you are ready and willing to change, then you can return to a life of magic and mystery without fear of the future, without apologies for who you are, without anxiety, without that annoying taskmaster that says you must work hard to survive and that life is a STRUGGLE.

There IS something more waiting for you. And it is your own precious SELF. And even though there will be resistance from outside forces, going through the darkness of your repressed emotions and fears will be the best gift you can give to you, your family and humanity. For then you can truly shine your light unto the world and BE the change you wish to see in the world. The RevoluciĆ³n starts within.

I love you my fellow WARRIORS of Light. AHO!

I want to share a playlist that has helped move emotions through me for many years.