I don't know what did it but my addiction to popcorn and weed have fallen away just in the last couple months. Also, pretty much a couple weeks after my 35th birthday, my chronic bladder infection that's been with me for the last 2 and a half years has pretty much disappeared. Wow, so many shifts in such a short time. I was always so worried about my addictions, always trying to get rid of them with my willpower and always feeling bad because I couldn't quit. I feel that what really allowed the addictions to fall away was learning to accept my humanity, facing my false identity with inquiry, healing the body/mind with bodywork, and having the courage to face my fears.
When I moved to Nevada City, I had the intention of finding healers to work with, and I found so many amazing ones. In just 3 months I ended up attracting exactly what I needed. Melanie gave me 2 sessions of Reconnective Healing which definitely had a profound effect. Coreen, an incredible acupuncturist has given me 5 weekly acupuncture treatments and that has helped my bladder infection a lot. Ash gave me Rosen bodywork. Kirsten did a Hakomi therapy session with me. And of course there is the Kundalini Yoga and my teacher Jai Dev. I feel that this practice and his teachings accelerated the healing process 10 fold. But really I feel all of these things combined have contributed to my healing. Facing my shit has contributed a lot as well. The amazing thing is that I was able to trade for most of it. Nevada City is a pretty magical place to live.
The other day, 3 days before my 35th birthday, when my body sat down and inquired into the nature of my "self" there was definitely some shifting going on in my being. I could literally feel stuff being moved around. Ever since that day there has been a sense of peace I have never felt before.
I feel so blessed today. The universe has been kind to me. Sometimes it takes time and distance to see how much you have really received what you were asking for. I feel like I'm finally coming out of the darkness and into the light. And the ironic thing is, I don't even care as much what happens anymore. There is an effortless surrender to what is here now, even if it's fatigue, sadness, boredom or annoyance. As soon as there is resistance, I can sink back into the sweet and peaceful background of awareness in which it is all happening. I have seen that my life's work is to go deeper and deeper into this surrender and to open my heart to whatever comes.