Glimpsing through the Glass Vortex of Reality

Today I’m on my knees longing for HER like I’ve never longed before, it almost feels like unrequited love yet it’s not quite as I am being pulled stronger by that which cannot be seen or heard, but can be felt more and more in the heart. 

It’s a painfully slow process, this love affair with the Beloved. HER dance with me is a very long and drawn out romantic dramedy with lots of flirtation and foreplay, betrayal and loss. Sometimes it feels like I'm being tortured with the constant barrage of negative thoughts and extremely fatigued body. These times, I now know are designed to stoke this fire of longing. HER love for me is so immense, she's can be ruthless in her ways to get my attention. During the dark times, she's dragging me in shackles out of this love for me to return to HER. 

With just enough crumbs of titliation, where I feel the vibrancy of the silence and the warmth in my heart, I am lured by her more and more. I am given small glimpses beyond the veil and delicious morsels of sweetness which keep me coming back for more. My desire to sit and be silent is more natural now. There is no discipline to it, I just find myself throughout the day at some point, wanting to sit quietly and so I do.

When there are glimpses through the veil, the focus isn’t on the mind, it’s on where the thoughts, sounds and sensations are coming from. If I had to try and describe it would be like a glass funnel vortex, with a constant flow of phenomena emanating from it that begins and ends in my chest. Reality flows from the middle of it and over the sides in a constant never ending river of watery creation that has beginning and no end. It’s a bubbling spring of light and color, sensations and sounds, feelings and thoughts. The matrix rebuilding itself over and over, pixel by pixel in each moment.

The glimpses have been not a shift in perception of what my eyes see, but a shift in how I feel the this bubbling realty happening through my heart center. The body, which used to experience the world through my mind and it’s constant commentary of me and my character in this environment now is becoming more sensitive to it’s environment and experiencing the world viscerally through my heart and other senses as well. The trees and the wind, the emotional waves of other humans, the trickling of the creek, a vulture overhead, the thoughts floating by,  it’s all a part of this movie we call Trista and her story from her point of view on the funnel of reality.

We’re all connected through this watery funnel of love which has no distinct qualities, no opinions about what should or shouldn't be happening, it's completely at peace and just enjoying the show. This place is where we meet in the deepest sense. 

The character I call me is just part of that pixelation, or overflow of continuous LOVE (although the feeling of love is fleeting and not very strong yet). She’s part of the entire flow of the picture and somehow it’s emanating from her. The area it’s flowing from is the center of what we call our chest. And another area just between the eyebrows which we called the 3rd eye vibrates and tingles more and more as I dip in and play with the stillness, and she teases me over and over, very slowly dancing with me, luring me to the edge of reality, to the silence beyond the thoughts. 

What else is waiting there for me in this Silence?