Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Mary Jane - Friend of Foe - 02/13/11

Instead of viewing my affinity for smoking herb as an enemy, I’m looking at her in a new light today. She is a medicine, here to simultaneously extract a mix of some things beautiful and some things tainted.

Mary Jane is my friend. I see the world in a new perspective; I see my mind in a new perspective. A gateway to another dimension is opened and new pieces of my puzzle fit into their places. I sink into my body and all my senses heighten to an 11. My creative mind rutts it’s lovely head.

Mary Jane is my foe. The oppression sneaks in (47.3), and reminds me of a differing perspective. That my writing sucks, that addictions are bad, that I can’t complete anything (53.2). My body follows, a sinking sensation in my gut, a tightness in the throat, heart beating faster. It’s an internal battle of right and wrong that the foe is winning at the moment.

What I also think that I think is that there is no such thing as good or bad in the scope of the universe and my true existence here on earth. The only reason my body has these negative reactions is because I am resisting what IS. To judge this moment as good or bad is only to give meaning to it and take me away from the present moment. Just as I judge others (18.4), so too I judge myself.

Addictions…they mess up your body, they cloud your mind, they spin you around and force you into a dark place. But perhaps this darkness isn’t so bad. What I can reflect on, is that these true moments of fear in my life have been necessary to see where growth in me is possible. What ever is exposed to the light is transformed by it. By isolating myself and de-conditioning from the world’s energy and agenda, I’m really able to step back and look at my mind. Today, I’m looking at my fears dead on, and I’m seeing my mind choose sides against me. Today, I’m laughing in its face.

It’s only a trap the mind is playing on me. It’s agenda is to keep me safely confined within the program of maya. For some reason, the program wants us to live in fear. And just like everyone else on this planet, I have been a victim to it.

I've been riding out these dark cloudy days and the sun has finally peaked through. I feel the program has shifted. My melancholy of yesterday is transformed into a creative muse of today. Letting it flow and riding it out is all I can do. After all, it's just chemistry.

– a visit to Jerry’s Fruitstand in Anahola
“Today’s a good day for a pineapple” he informs me as I browse the fruit. Without even skipping a beat I hear myself saying “that sounds good.”

If he had said "do you want some pineapple?" I probably would've said no thanks.